Relfecting On My Isolation

I'm generally OK with being alone. I have a pretty active mind and I can always find something to do, so I'm never bored. One of the perks of being an artist is being able to entertain oneself. I'll admit though that I am not immune to feeling lonely. I've been feeling pretty lonely lately. I don't have anyone in my life right now that I've have an artistic-intellectual connection with. I used to have a couple close friends who I shared my artistic life with, but the nature of those relationships has changed quite drastically over the past few years. Our lives have taken different trajectories and whereas my lif has become increasingly focused on my artistic career, theirs has not.

I still love these people, but the limited time we do share together is more about pure socializing rather than working on a project. I'm ok with it, but It's super unfortunate timing because with the pandemic it's so much harder to make new friends that can fulfill me need for an artistic-intellectual connection. It's hard for me to make friends as is. It takes me a while to get to know someone well enough to bestow the title of "friend" upon them. Most of my social connections I'd put into the "friendly aquaintance" category.

I miss having art friends or at the very least friends I can spend time with working on creative projects together. I miss it so damn much! This form of connection is for me is even more important than romantic relationships. An artistic-intellectual companion is what I'm currently seeking. I wish I had someone to show what I've been working on who sees more than just a cool image or hears more than just a song that they like. I want someone who understands me on a creative level. I want someone who appreciates my thought process while I'm creating. I crave it like normal people crave wanting to cuddle up with someone at night.

I'm so very much the protagonist in A Bionic Holiday Ballad. I am Elanor Sharpe. Elanor Sharpe is a person still reeling from the loss of their soul mate and the Holiday is a bitter reminder every year of the void they feel inside their bionic heart. I'm so very much Elanor in that sometimes I get so fixated on what I have lost that I can't see what I still have. In the story Elanor has a ward who is the orphaned son of their soul mate from the past. His name is Fletcher. He continuously reaches out to Elanor, but because he's not offering Elanor the type of connection they've lost, they reject Fletcher's attempts to have a relationship.

This week I worked on a character illustration of Fletcher. He's a young man and I've designed him to represent someone who has chosen love over money. He represents optimism and loving without attachment. As Elanor's ward he had a higher degree of privilege than most people in his world, but he has rejected it and it can be observed in the way he is dressed. He has the remnants of upper class clothing, but they've be worn, tattered and stitched back together a few times over. He is a guy who makes do and is content with what he does have.

It's my goal to be more like Fletcher in the relationships that I still do have. I'm trying more to appreciate what I do get from the people in my life rather than focus on what's missing. I'm trying to be patient and stay hopeful that one day when the time is right, the person(s) who I can have the type of connection with that I crave will enter my life.

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