tag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:/blogs/blog-test?p=7Blog Test 2021-11-19T11:01:04-08:00Borg Queenfalsetag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/68154702021-11-19T11:01:04-08:002023-10-16T07:57:18-07:00Old Habits Die Hard<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/2efd62f51b5e748db662449ca423eb6ab59c37d2/original/bq-blog-post-old-habits-die-hard.png/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>A young artist once wrote:</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><em>"Life is a journey. Change is a process.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><em>Forward momentum and regression is just all part of the game."</em></strong></p>
<p>That artist was me, and those lines are from my song Imago Dei. I wrote them in 2010 and they're still just as relevant today as they were back then. </p>
<p>Lately it feels like I'm experiencing a regression, and as a result I'm feeling increasingly frustrated, irritable and depressed. Since 2010 I've made a lot of progress in all areas of personal growth, but of course there's always room for improvement. The difficulty sometimes is just accepting where I am in my journey without judgement. I've been getting better at it though. Simply being able to realize when I am in a regression phase of my personal growth journey is a success unto it's own!</p>
<p>Awareness and acknowledgement are the first steps to accepting myself wherever I may be in my journey, but old habits die hard. A few of my stubborn old habits are judging myself harshly, perfectionism/overachievement and workaholism. I find myself slipping back into that cycle and it's now at a point where it is beginning to take a toll on my mental health.</p>
<p>The good news is that I am at least aware of where I'm at in my regression and I'm acknowledging it. So this is where acceptance comes into play. In the past, my tendency to judge myself for my perceived "failures" would lead to my compensating by increasing my workload and setting crazy unrealistic goals for myself to achieve to make myself feel like a winner. Work is my drug of choice btw, and the "high" I get from being productive and accomplishing my task list in record time releases the same feel good neurochemicals as drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling video games etc. My struggle with work addiction is very real and I'm very much at risk of going on a bender right now.</p>
<p>So, now that I'm aware, acknowledging my state and accepting myself where I'm at, how do I break the behavior chain that in the past leads me down the slippery slope of self destruction? The answer is to have fun. Fun? Really? Yes, FUN! The catch is that they type of fun I need to have, must have no responsibility attached to it. It can't be "productive fun." It can't be work-related or have any sense of obligation attached to it. It must be fun, for the sake of fun. That's it.</p>
<p>So why do something fun that's different from the things that I normally consider fun like making music or art? The reason is that I need to build new habits with activities that will release the same feel good chemicals from my brain. It's the same reason any person with an addiction needs to find other activities besides their go to vice that is fun. It's to break our destructive behavior chain.</p>
<p>Now, do I get it right every time? Nope. Do I sometimes fall of the metaphorical wagon? Yup. Old habits die hard, but I am making progress though through awareness, acknowledgement and unconditional acceptance. Once I've learned to implement all 3, then I can finally take the step to change my behavior by having fun. In recovery circles there's a slogan we like to use so we don't judge ourselves too harshly:</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>"PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION"</strong></em></p>
<p>My song <a contents="Imago Dei is the final track on my album Sex, Drugs &amp; Shiny Brass Poles" data-link-label="" data-link-type="album" href="/album/459234/sex-drugs-shiny-brass-poles" target="_blank">Imago Dei is the final track on my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles</a> and it's all about accepting oneself no matter where they are on their life path.</p>
<p> </p>4:15Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/67899572021-11-03T16:57:52-07:002021-11-04T08:23:54-07:00Life's Too Short<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/c803f856b51cf567287e1ec8ad76b56273ea663c/original/bq-blog-post-lifes-too-short.png/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Over the course of the pandemic and for the 2 years preceding I've been on a very intentional journey of healing. If you've followed me over the course of the last several years, you may remember the shitstorm that was 2016-2018 that included a couple sexual assaults, losing my partner of over a decade and my physical health deteriorating to the point where I could no longer work. By comparison the pandemic has been an absolute cake walk, but I digress. The point is that after 3 years of physical, psychological and spiritual rehab, I've managed to carve out a new way of doing life.</p>
<p>Through various mental health programs and support groups I've met many people through my healing journey who have become more dear to me than I ever realized.I found out this past week how precious this new community of peers has truly become when I was informed that one of the members of a support group I've been attending has cancer. This hit me so hard as I read their email at work that I started crying right at my desk. The old version of me probably wouldn't have let themselves cry, but I did because of how significant a role this person has played in my life over the past couple years without me even realizing it.</p>
<p>It's incredible how when you meet with people on a regular basis and share your experiences in a safe environment how much of an intimate bond you form with them. Even outside of the meetings, I was able to reach out to this other member for support when I needed it. They asked nothing in return and helped me get through some really difficult times. I am forever grateful for the role they played in my life, and the prospect of losing them to cancer is terrifying and I'm am profoundly angry and sad at the injustice of the situation.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, cancer is a cruel part of this physical existence and I don't have any control over who gets it and who doesn't. If I listen to what my anger is telling me, it's telling me "do something" about it, but real question is, what can I do? Well, after giving is some thought I've decided to write my friend in my program to tell them that their existence in my life is significant and they've made a positive impact in my life personally. By sharing their experience, strength and hope, they've inspire me to make changes in my own life that in turn have also had a positive impact on the people around me. Writing my friend this letter won't change the fact that they have cancer, but nothing I can do will change that.</p>
<p>The only thing I really can do after reflecting on this tragedy is honor my friend's life by living each moment in the present and making the best of what I have in my current circumstances. There's no point in getting caught up in thoughts about how life isn't fair, because it's not fair and I have no control over the randomness of existence. What I do have control over is how I respond to what life throws my way. I have resolved that life is to short to not have fun. It's too short to spend my emotional energy resenting people and circumstances that I have no control over.</p>
<p>This past weekend I went to Tofino, BC on a mini vacation and decided that I want to learn how to surf. I did it and it was incredible! My response to the unfairness of life and my inevitable aging and death is I'm going to live while I still can.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/e06e54183d58d9f325c683b71403899f2515e43a/original/20211030-171144.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/67820562021-10-20T14:03:29-07:002021-10-20T17:59:45-07:00Bouncing Back!<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/630d68ebb6931d421ffd2f58b5358dce7de4f95b/original/bq-blog-post-bouncing-back.png/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>On July 25th 2020 the unthinkable happened...I lost access to my personal Facebook account and all the business pages associated with it. Honestly it was a devastating blow to this project. I held out hope for many months that I could somehow get my account reactivated again and things would continue as normal, but no such luck was to be had. I tried everything to restore my account. I tried asking Facebook to review my situation but getting hold of an actual human at Facebook is next to impossible. I even tried writing them an actual letter. Even now, when I try to log in on my old account this is the message I see.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/051eca9b10f1f9cbc611b37ce07f7ad442e74230/original/tempfileforshare-20211020-130017.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Suffice it to say, I've given up and I'm starting again from scratch, which honestly is a huge bummer.</p>
<p>One could ask why it's taken me so long to start back up again. Why not just make a new account and new business pages? Well, the answer is that I needed some time to grieve. I know it might sound silly, but I wasn't just ready to move on. It took me years to build what I had and even though I didn't have a massive following by any means, it was still significant, and every fan I gained mattered to me because I had reached them organically. Those of you who did follow me were super engaged and supportive. When I lost my Borg Queen Music page, I lost my community. </p>
<p>Let's fast forward to the present day. I'm done mourning and I'm ready to rise from the ashes of social media ruin. I've set up a<a contents=" new page " data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.facebook.com/Borg-Queen-Music-101945445610304" target="_blank"> new page </a>that I hope if you're reading this you'll follow and share with anyone else who you think would be interested in what I do. I've missed my weird little community and sharing my creative journey with them. The connection I have with my audience is intensely personal because of the deeply personal nature of the content I make and the fact that it dealt with some very dark psychological themes. In many ways it was a safe haven for those of us who struggle with mental health issues to feel supported and not alone in our journey.</p>
<p>The prospect of starting over again is frightening. My fear played a huge role in my procrastination of getting going again on social media. I wondered if anyone would care that I'm back or even still be interested in what I do. Ultimately I came to the conclusion that this project has always been about creative expression and giving zero fucks, and if people like it, then great! If it makes me money, then it's a bonus. The bottom line is I miss sharing my creative journey with my people and that's what has given me the courage to rise from the ashes.</p>
<p>For a relevant Borg Queen song about starting over or overcoming an obstacle here's My Resurrection from the album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles </p>3:53Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/65029272020-12-18T13:04:04-08:002020-12-18T13:50:15-08:00Let There Be Lights!!!<p>My favorite thing about darkness is ironically the light. Even in the darkness there is always light. 2020 has undoubtly been a very dark year for a lot of people, but I believe some good has come of it. During these dark times, lights have begun to illuminate the many things that we took for granted. We've started to realize the importance of protecting our physical and mental health. We're realizing that the jobs we considered less prestigious are in fact essential. Many of us became aware of our privilege. These issues wouldn't have have come to light if it weren't for the darkness in which we've had to exist.</p>
<p>In these past two weeks I've been working on two concept illustrations for my film <em>A Bionic Holiday Ballad,</em> and I've have been drawing a lot of inspiration from my dark environnment. When I wake up in the morning and drive to the studio it's dark and when I come home it's dark. I exist in darkness 5 days a week, but in the darkness I have found extraordinary beauty in the way the world around me is so differently illuminated. I find myself admiring the silhouette of the trees against the dark indigo sky and the glistening reflections of the artificial city lights on the wet streets. It notice how some objects around me are completely encompassed in shadows while others are now showcased by spot lights.</p>
<p>I've been studying how the light and shadow play with my perception of the world around me. I've been mindful of the feelings the different types of lights evoke. My intent in this weeks illustrations is to evoke a feeling of comfort in the darkness. I am perhaps more fortunate than most that I have been able to find comfort in the darkness. I suppose being an artist is in many ways a form of privilege. To be able to view the world through a lens that will find beauty in just about anything is an innate ability for me. I wish to share that with the world around me because in times of difficulty we turn to our books, movies, music and TV shows for comfort.</p>
<p>This first illustration is the street just outside the cemetery where two of the main characters stroll arm in arm and sing the opening song Haunted Holiday. The idea is that they exit this place of death where they are haunted and enter into this world that is still dark, but beautifully illuminated.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/77b7e3ed531dcaf588ede3b6b837ca2ea6c7f164/original/bhb02-ext-street.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>This second illustration is further down the street where the Bionics company owned by the protagonist is located. I wanted the building to look imposing and intriguing at the same time. The brightly lit environment is purposly a stark contrast to the dark building. </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/c62903128df66e5a01a7f18ae2f49316f12d47db/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-bhb03-ext-bionics-co-jenny-kirby-web.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>The pallette I've used is purple, yellow, red and green which are complementray(opposite) colors and I'm going for very high contrast lighting.The idea with the design of this film is that we live in a world that is simitanoulsy dark and light, good and evil, beautiful and ugly and it is up to us to choose where we shine the light. </p>
<p>These illustrations are available as<a contents=" fine art prints in my store" data-link-label="A Bionic Holiday Ballad Store" data-link-type="page" href="/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-store" target="_blank"> fine art prints in my store</a> for $30 each. Proceeds from sales are allocated towards production costs of this film and my other creative projects.</p>
<p><a contents="" data-link-label="A Bionic Holiday Ballad Store" data-link-type="page" href="/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-store" target="_blank"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/978cd4047034015315b65b6f23e783a308bd46af/original/go-to-store.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64884712020-11-30T11:02:31-08:002020-11-30T11:03:42-08:00No Time Like The Present<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/b9666aece4aae3ee8262a4bae4d18acd38388aff/original/bq-blog-post-notimelikethepresent.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>In case I hadn't mentioned it before my work in progress film "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" is a mental health allegory. Sure, it's also a musical sci fi adaptation of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol, but I've put a Borg Queen spin on it and focused on what can be learned from the original story about mental health. This weeks mental health lesson can be learned from the Ghost of Holiday Present. In the story he teaches our protagonist a lesson in mindfulness through song.</p>
<p>In my recent experiences with cognitive behavioral therapy, I've found that practicing mindfulness and being grounded in the present moment helps alleviate my anxiety and depression. It first occurred to me to use the Ghost of Holiday present as a metaphor for mindfulness a couple years ago as I was re-watching A Muppet Christmas Carol for the gazillionth time. I thought to myself, "Self, this ghost is just so full of joy that it's infectious, and by his own admission his mind empty and filled only with the here and now. Perhaps being grounded in the present could help pull me out of my depressive and anxious thought patterns?"</p>
<p>This past week I worked on writing and incorporating a new song into my screenplay called "No Time Like The Present" sung by you guessed it...The Ghost of Holiday Present. Here's an excerpt of the scene from the script. WARNING: Does contain some spoilers.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/e2232cd201b93fa22c89e5558d67d27621e41332/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-screenplay-working-draft-11-27-20-page-42.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/9a5236fbf8844b755d44b184eb618bf282394ffe/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-screenplay-working-draft-11-27-20-page-43.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/1f9fe7944ec3de6bd3004b759448af5c1f4f1ed1/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-screenplay-working-draft-11-27-20-page-44.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/85dea26f34a005723f5b55e9b4e79ebce22b1118/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-screenplay-working-draft-11-27-20-page-45.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/bbbd861091a772c582eef4a2ab229bf2a1747c70/original/a-bionic-holiday-ballad-screenplay-working-draft-11-27-20-page-46.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Now that you've had a little taste of what I'm working on, perhaps you'd like to get more involved in my creative process? I'm offering subscriptions with monthly tiers of $2, $5, and $10. Proceeds go to help finance my creative works and you get exclusive access to my secret behind the scenes blog. Plus, you get to help me make creative decisions, have monthly video chats and free physical merch items like prints of my illustrations and artwork. Please consider subscribing as it helps me continue to make new and exciting content.</p>
<p><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a9cae27a6cd70f755f223b44406adbc2848d7c41/original/suscribe.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64843222020-11-24T10:32:05-08:002020-11-24T10:38:39-08:00Practice Makes Imperfect<p>I struggle with perfectionism. Learning to let go of the need to do things perfectly is something I've been working on lately. You know the old saying "practice makes perfect?" Well, I'm practicing being imperfect and not losing my shit or feeling like a failure when I don't do something perfectly.</p>
<p>What I've learned about my perfectionism is that it's rooted in my basic nature of being very detail oriented and meticulous in my work. Being detail oriented isn't a bad thing obviously, but when it's taken to the extreme it can become debilitating. I can get obsessed and fixated on details. I get tunnel visioned and am unable to see the big picture and celebrate my accomplishments. </p>
<p>I grew up with the distorted belief that an accomplishment is when I do something really spectactular or I've won 1st place. I thought I being the best was the only worthwhile accomplishment and anything less than 100% was a failure. I'm realising now how insane that line of thinking is because if I measure my worth against ridiculously impossible standards, of course I'm going to feel unworthy. I have to confess that I don't feel worthy of anyone's time or affection unless I'm doing something productive, interesting or useful.</p>
<p>Changing negative thought patterns is hard work. I'm no stranger to hard work, but the hardest thing about learning to change my thinking is accepting that I'm not going to get it right 100% of the time. I'm learning to celebrate when I do have a partial success and look at the times when I don't succeed more objectively and learn something from them. I'm learning to accept that no matter how hard I try, I wil NEVER be perfect and that's not a failure. My new mantra is...</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="font_xl">You don't have to be perfect in order to be successful</span></strong></p>
<p>I put this principle into practice this past week while designing my latest character for A Bionic Holiday Ballad. Meet Cora. She's the wife of <a contents="Fletcher the character I designed last week" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://borg-queen-music.com/blog/blog/relfecting-on-my-isolation" target="_blank">Fletcher the character I designed last week</a>. Whenever I design a character I like to give them a backstory and endow them with as many character traits as possible because I want their appearance to be a reflection of who they are. I often use aspects of my own character as a reference point. In Cora's case I made her to be a recycled material fashion designer/tailor. </p>
<p>Because the world she lives in is a dystopian nightmare, she doesn't have access to brand new materials. She salvages what she can and tries her best to make it work and create something beautiful. In designing her costume I imagined that she would piece together what ever scraps of fabric she could get her hands on. She's creative and has a good eye so even though her outfit is a hodge podge of random materials she's used her innate sense of aesthetics to put together a pallette and design that works and still looks lovely despite not being perfect.<img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/de701ea36976d2325ee1ec6128c80f1e20276127/original/cora-character-illustrationv1.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I'm learning to apply the Cora philosophy in my own work both personally and professionally. It's hard, and I have some days where I do well and others that are a complete disaster. I'm having more good moments than bad though and when I look back on the past few years I can acknowledge that even though I'm not perfect I've made a lot of progress.</p>
<p>In creating this film I have to keep the "progress not perfection" mantra in mind because it is such a huge undertaking. I've been wanting to do this idea for at least three years by my inner perfectionist kept telling me that I wasn't good enough to do it or that I didn't have the resources and as a result I'd end up with a product that I'm not happy with. It took me a couple years to get over these negative thoughts and just start chipping away at it, but most importantly I'm having fun.</p>
<p>You can support the creation of this film by purchasing a subscription through my website. There are $2, $5 and $10 tiers available. Rewards include access to my secret behind the scenes blog, art prints of my work, monthly video chats and voting power on creative decisions in the film. </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe" target="_blank"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a9cae27a6cd70f755f223b44406adbc2848d7c41/original/suscribe.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64771822020-11-13T14:46:50-08:002020-11-13T14:46:50-08:00Relfecting On My Isolation<p>I'm generally OK with being alone. I have a pretty active mind and I can always find something to do, so I'm never bored. One of the perks of being an artist is being able to entertain oneself. I'll admit though that I am not immune to feeling lonely. I've been feeling pretty lonely lately. I don't have anyone in my life right now that I've have an artistic-intellectual connection with. I used to have a couple close friends who I shared my artistic life with, but the nature of those relationships has changed quite drastically over the past few years. Our lives have taken different trajectories and whereas my lif has become increasingly focused on my artistic career, theirs has not.</p>
<p>I still love these people, but the limited time we do share together is more about pure socializing rather than working on a project. I'm ok with it, but It's super unfortunate timing because with the pandemic it's so much harder to make new friends that can fulfill me need for an artistic-intellectual connection. It's hard for me to make friends as is. It takes me a while to get to know someone well enough to bestow the title of "friend" upon them. Most of my social connections I'd put into the "friendly aquaintance" category.</p>
<p>I miss having art friends or at the very least friends I can spend time with working on creative projects together. I miss it so damn much! This form of connection is for me is even more important than romantic relationships. An artistic-intellectual companion is what I'm currently seeking. I wish I had someone to show what I've been working on who sees more than just a cool image or hears more than just a song that they like. I want someone who understands me on a creative level. I want someone who appreciates my thought process while I'm creating. I crave it like normal people crave wanting to cuddle up with someone at night.</p>
<p>I'm so very much the protagonist in A Bionic Holiday Ballad. I am Elanor Sharpe. Elanor Sharpe is a person still reeling from the loss of their soul mate and the Holiday is a bitter reminder every year of the void they feel inside their bionic heart. I'm so very much Elanor in that sometimes I get so fixated on what I have lost that I can't see what I still have. In the story Elanor has a ward who is the orphaned son of their soul mate from the past. His name is Fletcher. He continuously reaches out to Elanor, but because he's not offering Elanor the type of connection they've lost, they reject Fletcher's attempts to have a relationship.</p>
<p>This week I worked on a character illustration of Fletcher. He's a young man and I've designed him to represent someone who has chosen love over money. He represents optimism and loving without attachment. As Elanor's ward he had a higher degree of privilege than most people in his world, but he has rejected it and it can be observed in the way he is dressed. He has the remnants of upper class clothing, but they've be worn, tattered and stitched back together a few times over. He is a guy who makes do and is content with what he does have.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/f0d81837a2c4f13937d9e0ccc1b41ba2943186a4/original/fletcher-character-illustrationv1.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />It's my goal to be more like Fletcher in the relationships that I still do have. I'm trying more to appreciate what I do get from the people in my life rather than focus on what's missing. I'm trying to be patient and stay hopeful that one day when the time is right, the person(s) who I can have the type of connection with that I crave will enter my life.</p>
<p>I'm currently running a micro patronage subscription through this website. The proceeds are helping me finance the making of my creative content. Anyone who purchases a subscription gets access to my secret blog and also a bunch of other rewards including FREE art! Consider subscribing to support independent artists like myself.</p>
<p><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a9cae27a6cd70f755f223b44406adbc2848d7c41/original/suscribe.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64707202020-11-05T10:21:47-08:002020-11-05T10:36:18-08:00Working With Limited Resources<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/09f02e0497089ed412da7d2ab4adb618eb0af317/original/bq-blog-post-working-with-limited-resources.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I wasn't sure whether to write about something political given what's going on in the US right now or just stick to the art. Even though most of my art has very psychological focus, there are many pieces/songs that focus on political issues and their relationship to our mental health. I would like to segeway into the main point of this post by saying that I'm really proud of myself for not watching a single second of video with Donald Trump ever since he announced his intent to run for president in 2015. Not. One. Single. Second. No easy task by the way given that almost every second post that comes down my social media feeds mention Trump in some way. </p>
<p>So why have I made it my mission to ignore arguably the most famous/infamous man in the world? The answer is delightfully simple. It's because I've never liked him, what he symbolizes and I don't share his ideals. My thoughts on capitalism are made pretty clear in We're All Whores. The bottom line is that he isn't worthy of my attention, so I haven't given it to him.</p>
<p>My mental and emotional energy are resources that I posess, and I am very discriminating about what and to whom I allocate those resources. Because mental and emotional energy have a direct effect on physical energy I cannot affort to waste them on people and things that aren't worth it. If I give someone my attention, I award them a space in my life. To occupy space in my life, you gotta be of some worth to me.</p>
<p>Donald Trump is definitely on the list of things that have no worth to me. When I think about the amount of time I could have spent reading and responding to tweets, watching videos and engaging in online debates with his supporters over the last five years, it would probably total in the hunderds of hours. I'm glad I didn't, because my time is valuable, and I would rather spend my time and energy focusing on things that enrich my life and the world around me. </p>
<p>I have grown accustomed to working with limited resources. I'm not rich and I've lived most of my adult life skirting the poverty line. Despite that, I have managed to live a rich life by using the resources that I do have. Intelligence, creativity, artistic skills, friendship, drive, determination and innovative thinking are all resources that I possess and have utilized in this project. It hasn't made me rich, but it has made me friends. It hasn't made me famous, but it has allowed me to connect with people who get something valuable from the work that I create. It may be on a small scale, but my work has made a positive impact on the world around me. I'm proud of that.</p>
<p>In the film I'm working on "A Bionic Holiday Ballad," we see a world with a tremendous imbalance in the way physical resources are allocated, not unlike the world we live in. We also get a glimpse into how the characters use the resources that they have. Our protagonist is a person with a higher degree of privilege and resources, but chooses to squander what they have and lives a very impoverished life despite their assets. Other characters by contrast have less resources, but use what they have to their fullest potential and as a result live rich and fulfilling lives.</p>
<p>In designing this film I use the Holiday lights as a visual symbol of the concept of working with limited resources, yet creating something beautiful. This past week I put together some inspiration boards of DIY lights using found and recycled materials. The idea was that you can still create something beautiful and enjoyable even if you don't have much. These are some the Holiday lighting ideas that are going to be decorating the streets and homes of most of the characters in the film. Most of them are made from repurposed items.</p>
<p>This first board focuses on the use of color. In our film the holiday colors are red, cyan, blue, teal and magenta, so imagine these ideas with our pallette.</p>
<p><strong><span class="font_xl">1.</span></strong></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/9368eb14ee4621f58ca5e1177755c5a331393ee6/original/abhb-holidaylights-page-2.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>This second board has some really cool ways of utilizing old jars, tin cans and even sticks. I love the idea of hanging the homemade lanterns from tree branches. The outdoor sets will include a lot of hannging lanterns.</p>
<p><span class="font_xl"><strong>2.</strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a59877c3e718a1fb684c3482d15831e5ffa7e5b3/original/abhb-holidaylights-page-5.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p>This third board is the inspiration for indoor holiday decor and wreath ideas. Because our setting is a post apocalyptic dystopian world, we'll be using a lot of dead tree branches and salvaged items. In our story the prominent religious symbol is a pentagon with an inverted pentagon inside of it, so our wreaths will be pentagons instead of pentagrams.</p>
<p><strong><span class="font_xl">3.</span></strong></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/0becb43d2fed05af8d4ea21db15582c4e90a0086/original/abhb-holidaylights-page-3.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>This fourth board focuses on lighting arrangements and displays. Our lanterns will all be candlelit though.</p>
<p><span class="font_xl"><strong>4.</strong></span></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/1849a34b5c46206914e0c2540eb5908156f79e61/original/abhb-holidaylights-page-1.png" class="size_orig justify_left border_" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_large"><strong>If you're interested in getting more involved in my process and supporting the creation of this film, please consider purchasing a subscription. The proceeds of your purchase fund the ongoing creation of my artistic works. There are $2, $5 and $10 per month subscription tiers. Learn more about how it works on my <a contents="SUBSCRIPTIONS PAGE." data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe">SUBSCRIPTIONS PAGE.</a></strong></span></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64622672020-10-23T16:51:03-07:002020-10-23T16:51:03-07:00Mental Health Lessons Only A Pandemic Can Teach<p>It has been another productive week in Borg Queen Land. I've finished both concept illustrations for the first set in my film "A Bionic Holiday Ballad," and I'm quite pleased with how they turned out. Developing a visual style is always exciting for me. For this film I've decided to go with a post apocalyptic Victorian aesthetic and I'm now leaning a little more to a post apocalyptic style with a few nods to Victorian design especially when it comes to the costumes and interiors of the upper class people. The lower classes with have less structure to their clothing and more layering of salvaged fabrics and items.</p>
<p>The cemetery illustration shows Fletcher and his wife Cora who are perhaps the only two people in the entire story that could be considered middle class. They are representative of the ever shrinking middle class here in North America. They symbolize the optimism of the middle class ideal. Fletcher is the adopted nephew of the protagonist Elanor Sharpe. His character is a parallel to Ebenezar Scrooge's nephew Fred. In my adaptation of the story Elanor has a somewhat strained relationship with Fletcher.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/69f94278db356ef638889f25ba61ded9a1d20d9e/original/abhb01-ext-cemetery-cemeteryconceptillustration-1.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>While writing this relationship between Elanor and Fletcher, I've drawn upon my own experiences in my strained familial relationships as of late. I have not been the most open and approachable person over the past few years and I've shut a lot of people out. When I really examine why I've become so solitary it's because I'm afraid to get close to anyone because I don't want to go through the pain of losing them. The last several years have been a painful string of losses and traumas within most of my close relationships and eventually reached a point where I just couldn't take anymore, so I hid myself from everyone and everything.</p>
<p>The isolation wasn't entirely a bad thing, in fact it was pretty necessary. It gave me some time to just focus on taking care of myself and rebuilding. It was also kind of a blessing in disguise because my own self imposed quarantine prepared me for the coronavirus pandemic. I had already been self isolating for a couple years and because I was in the rebuilding myself phase when the pandemic hit, I had a really great mental health support system already in place.</p>
<p>If you know me at all, you know that mental health issues are a topic near and dear to me. Living through this pandemic has reinforced my belief that taking care of my mental health is a priority. It's also drawn attention to the horrendously inadequate healthcare system we have in place for public mental health. Throughout the last several months I've seen people spiral downward into serious mental health crisis because they didn't have a good support system in place or they were unable to access their support system because of the pandemic.</p>
<p>For a lot of people an active social life plays a huge role in supporting their mental health whether they realize it or not. When you remove the ability to gather together or attend cultural events, it's akin to taking someone's antidepressant medication away. You will experience withdrawls and turn to other-perhaps less healthy-things to cope. I think we've all seen it happen and perhaps some of us are even experiencing it first hand.</p>
<p>When I hit rock bottom in 2018 I have a cornucopia of coping mechanisms. Some of them were healthy, like doing art and some of them, not so healthy, like doing art for 18 hours without eating, drinking, bathing or acknowledging the outside world. The point is that I learned that so many of our behaviors that we've adopted to cope in times of crisis aren't inherently toxic. It's more about the dosage than anything else. </p>
<p>Maintaining mental wellness is largely about balancing our physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs. In "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" our protagonist Elanor Sharpe is someone who has neglected their emotional, social and spiritual needs for a very long time. When they are visited by the 3 spirits it becomes a journey of self exploration into the root of why they've shut themselves off emotionally and socially. They are confronted with their past and have to come to terms with their losses before they can move forward and open themselves up again. In the story it happens all in one night, but in reality it can take a few years. It's been an arduous journey for me, but I'm starting to become whole and more balanced again.</p>
<p>I chose the opening scene of the film to be set in a cemetery because this story is ultimately about how to find inner peace and moments of joy while still allowing yourself to acknowledge and grieve your losses. The lights and little hints of color are the visual representation of finding those moments of joy in the darkness.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a6f33caefc6f925341209626ceb10b0deaa4163c/original/abhb01-ext-cemetery-cemeteryconceptillustration-2.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>These illustrations will be available as fine art prints for free to all of my Creative Partner tier subscribers. Consider subscribing to help support the creation of my work and take advantage of the exclusive rewards. Also, I'll be sharing some more specific personal stories that inspired some of the scenes in my secret blog that all subscribers will have access to.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe" target="_blank"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a9cae27a6cd70f755f223b44406adbc2848d7c41/original/suscribe.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></a></p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64559982020-10-15T09:24:36-07:002020-10-15T09:24:36-07:00Haunted Holidays Are Here!<p>I kinda feel like October is the unofficial start to the winter Holiday Season. Holidays are a funny thing. In western culture they're generally supposed to be a time of celebration, but the reality is that they tend to be a time when the ghosts of our past come back to haunt us. The opening scene and song to the film I'm working on is appropriately titled <em>Haunted Holdiay</em> and aptly sets the stage for the hauntings to come for our protagonist Elanor Sharpe.</p>
<p>Elanor Sharpe is a non-binary character parallel to Ebenezar Scrooge, and they are a successful bionics company owner. Hence, the title of the film <em><strong>A Bionic Holiday Ballad.</strong></em> I've largely based this character on what I like to call my "inner Scrooge." My inner Scrooge is the part of me that holds on to attachements, is haunted by the past, anxious about the future and as a result has developed toxic behaviors as coping mechanisms. <em><strong>A Bionic Holiday Ballad</strong></em> is a story of how Elanor learns to let go of the past, embrace the present and not be a slave to their anxiety about the future. It is really a story about mental health recovery and how spirituality can play a significant role in that recovery process. </p>
<p>Because spirituality is a very significant theme in this film I decided to invent a ficticious religion on which the Holiday in the story is centered. The Holiday is simply called "The Holiday" and the central figure is referred to as "The Great Spirit." I purposely have kept it ambiguous and have refrained from referencing any specific religious doctrine. I want the core spiritual theme to be an inclusive one that works for all people. I want people to make The Holiday their own and connect to the idea of the Great Spirit in their own personal way.</p>
<p>I did however create a symbol for the central religion mostly because I'm working in a visual medium and incorporating mystical geometry into the overall design will make the look of the film more destinctive. I was inspired by the number 5 because it's a foundational number in several different faiths. It was a challenge to create a symbol based on the number 5 that represented the core philosophy of the Great Spirit and not have it look like a pentagram. I settled on two pentagons. The outer pentagon represents a human and the inner pentagon represents the Great Spirit connected to all of us. The idea of the second symbol with the colors is that when we embody the Great Spirit we will find love, hope, new beginnings, peace and unity.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/f856f31267b76037d19e5239ecad8de48912d298/original/abhb-i01-the-great-spirit-symbols.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Connecting to my spirituality in a personal way has been an integral part of my mental health recovery process. There are certainly other areas of my life that I've had to address as well, but one of the things that I've learned through the various mental health programs I've accessed over the years is that our spiritual, physical, psychological and social health are all connected. I've learned the importance of balancing these areas of my life and nurturing my needs in each of these areas.The creative process for me nurtures both my psychological and spiritual needs. Creating for me is a divine power and connects me to something greater than myself. On a purely psychological level, creating helps me process my emotions and express what's going on inside my mind. </p>
<p>Doing this first illustration for A Bionic Holiday Ballad has been a journey of self reflection. It is for the opening scene in the film where one of the central characters confesses that he feels that his Holiday is haunted. The idea of a haunted holiday isn't new but definituly resonates with me. For years I was unable to celebrate Christmas because of a heartbreaking incident that happened during a Christmas celebration. The ghost of my Christmas past came back to haunt me for several years afterward until I was finally able to let go and lay that ghost to rest for good.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/69f94278db356ef638889f25ba61ded9a1d20d9e/original/abhb01-ext-cemetery-cemeteryconceptillustration-1.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>In my subscriptions, I have another blog in which I go into more detail about my personal experineces that inspired the charaters and events in the film. There are also unique rewards available to my subscribers including prints of the drawings like the one above. If you're interested in supporting me on a more ongoing basis visit my <a contents="SUBSCRIPTIONS PAGE" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe">SUBSCRIPTIONS PAGE</a>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/a9cae27a6cd70f755f223b44406adbc2848d7c41/original/suscribe.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>
<p> </p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64478182020-10-02T10:16:53-07:002020-10-02T10:23:00-07:00Borg Queen Backstage<p><a contents="" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/3d02c4a92c6de95c05021c73637004bf9aff837b/original/bq-blog-post-borg-queen-backstage.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></a></p>
<p>I've decided to start a micro patronage monthly subscription to help fund my ongoing projects. I sent out an email but I don't think the way I communicated what I was doing was entirely clear, so I'm going to be blunt. This is the Borg Queen version of Patreon. Subscribers pay a monthly subscription fee of $2, $5 or $10 and get rewards and access to my behind the scenes life. With live shows not being a thing right now this is the best way to support artists and and also get the opportunity to interact with them. In my $10 tier I'll be doing one on one video chats with subscribers and it'll be a great opportunity for me to really get to know my audience so I'm quite looking forward to it. I've made this video outlining how my subscriptions are going to work.</p>
<p><iframe class="justify_inline" data-video-type="youtube" data-video-id="IX4DRnGn-3I" data-video-thumb-url="https://img.youtube.com/vi/IX4DRnGn-3I/mqdefault.jpg" type="text/html" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IX4DRnGn-3I?rel=0&wmode=transparent&enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" height="315" width="560" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></p>
<p><a contents="CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE" data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe"><strong><span class="font_xl">CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE</span></strong></a></p>
<p>I'm hopeful that my audience appreciates what I do and wants to support my craft, but even if I don't get a ton of subscribers I'm still going to stay the course because ultimately I do this project for my own benefit. I'm thrilled that others have benefitted from me sharing what I do, but it orginally started as a form of art therapy for me and it will always remain that way.</p>
<p>I do other creative work like currently working in the art department on a new Disney series The Mysterious Benedict Society, and of course there's my nautical art, but it's not the same as Borg Queen. Borg Queen is an expression of the deepest recesses of my inner being. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but enough people are touched by it and enjoy it that it's still worthwhile to share it with the world.</p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64292622020-09-30T10:40:58-07:002020-09-30T10:40:58-07:00A Bionic Holiday Ballad: Pre Production Update #1<p>Am I crazy for taking on a film project where I wear a ridiculous number of hats including writer, production designer, composer and talent? Possibly, but I don't care because I'm feeling inspired. Earlier this year I wrote the screenplay and over the past few weeks I've taken the first few steps for designing the production. One of the first steps in designing the production is visual research and creating inspiration boards. I'm slowly piecing together the aesthetic that I want, or more accurately can afford. </p>
<p>If I had a massive budget I'd have more options, but thankfully I've had some experience making impressive looking productions on a ludicrously low budget. To give you an idea, my music video Hedonist was made with a little less than $4000 and We're All Whores cost less than $2000. I saved a lot of money by designing and making the sets, props and costumes myself, but it took me a really long time to complete.</p>
<p>I anticipate A Bionic Holiday Ballad to be at least a 3 year long project, but this is going to be a very entertaining process for my audience because I'll be posting regular updates along the way. I've started a subscription site similar to Patreon or Only Fans that will give fans exclusive access to my content as I produce it. In addition to this blog I'll have a secret blog that I'm updating weekly with exclusive behind the scenes content including, the screenplay, music, illustrations, photos, videos and physical items. The premium subcription tier will even allow fans to get involved in making creative decisions. Click this link to go to the subscription area. I'm still going to be updating this blog too, but I'm saving more content as a reward for those fans who are really invested in my process and want to contribute both creatively and financially.</p>
<p>This past week I worked on inspiration boards for costumes, bionics and a few of the sets. Here's a costume board and a couple bionics boards. For the costumes it needs to relect the dystopian world in which the story takes place. I'm going for a "post apocalyptic victorian" look. I really want to use fashion to emphasize the disparity between different socio-economic classes. The upper and class will have a more refined victorian inspired look and the working class and poor will be dressed in more of a hybrid post apocalytic-victorian style made from salvaged items and lots of layers. In this world there isn't a middle class. I envision this world to be the direction in which we are headed if we don't start making some serious changes and prioritize healthcare, education and environmental protection.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/4e9241c9009480343083c2ee0a1431addc1ef94e/original/inspiration-boards-master.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>As you can see with the bionics there are several different styles. This is because I haven't quite made a decision on the visual direction I want to go yet, but I might even use the different styles of bionics to indicate the class structure disparity as well. </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/c59c00e7a2a51a758914da33eecb46089c5dcebc/original/inspiration-boards-master2.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/552dce942414c303e319d6db9d977ac8dac48e20/original/inspiration-boards-master3.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> I also designed several versions of the logo which have yet to be decided. These are the final 3 I've narrowed it down to.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/3371b5e1e369aa3bd9a664cc5186584123fedaaf/original/abionicholidayballadlogo02asset-2.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/ec3acffbebc0c99c98328a0df3e099a297c936dc/original/abionicholidayballadlogo01asset-1.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/58a2f7f6d77f7575bd8685e8e1ec65d5b312c558/original/abionicholidayballadlogo03asset-3.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I'm going to be consulting all the people in my "Creative Partner" subcription tier on which logo they like best and also get a little bit of input on the visual direction to go with the bionics. This process will be done in one on one production meetings via video link similar to the way we do it at my film job. If joining me in the creative decision making process interests you or if you want the opportunity to get your hands on some of my drawings I highly suggest signing up for on of the subcriptions. The tiers are $2, $5 and $10 per month. <a contents="For more details visit my SUBSCRIPTIONS page." data-link-label="Subscribe" data-link-type="page" href="/subscribe">For more details visit my SUBSCRIPTIONS page.</a></p>
<p> </p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64375252020-09-18T13:51:33-07:002020-10-02T09:29:46-07:00Ghosts Of The Past<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/8d207b55e430d3612dfc3b79e1c688bc6a6cead4/original/bq-blog-post-ghosts-of-the-past.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>This past week I worked a lot on <em>A Bionic Holiday Ballad. </em>I wrote another song called <em>Bring on the Darkness</em> that our protagonist/antagonist, Elanor Sharpe sings as they stroll home from their bionics workshop late on the Holiday Eve. It's interesting experience writing songs for a character because you have to really get inside their head and write their entire life story before you can even write their words that they sing. I've based Elanor's character on a cross between Ebenzar Scrooge and myself. When writing the song Bring On The Darkness I have to ask myself:</p>
<p><strong>What has gotten them to this point that they are most comfortable alone and in the dark?</strong></p>
<p><strong>Why are they uncomfortable in the light and around other people?</strong></p>
<p><strong>Did they have a traumatic experience and what was it?</strong></p>
<p>These questions are answered in the story itself. There are parallels between characters in Elanor's past and mine. In my own experience of socially isolating myself, I know it's because I'm afraid of rejection. For an introvert like myself it takes a great deal of energy to come out of my shell and put myself out there. I'm not talking about performing in front of an audience. What I'm talking about is the emotional labor and vulnerability required to genuinely form a connection with another human. When you put yourself out there but the other party doesn't reciprocate or flat out rejects you it feels like a lot of time and energy wasted. Our character Elanor and myself are efficient people by nature and don't like to waste their time and energy.</p>
<p>In the story, Elanor has suffered a series losses that has devasted them to the point that they've forgotten how to be human. They've shut down emotionally and are focused solely on their work. This is a parallel in my own life as well. One of the ways I'm working through my workaholism issues and regaining my humanity is by writing this story, but it has thrust me into this weird place where I'm being haunted in my dreams by the ghosts of my past.</p>
<p>The other night I had a dream about my first love. She and I were inseparable. For years we spent almost every day together and I trusted her with my life and I would have given mine up for hers. She was everything to me. She taught me how to see the humor in the everday. She affirmed my intelligence, talents and would tell me everyday that she loved me.</p>
<p>Then on day, she rejected me for religious reasons. Yup. You read that right...religious reasons. She and I both grew up in a rather oppressive and super conservative religious culture. As you know I'm not a super dogmatic conservative religious person, but at some point she decided to return to her religious upbringing, and that involved purging her life of things she felt weren't in line with those beliefs. Apparently having me in her life was one of those things.</p>
<p>In my dream the other night I re-lived the rejection over and over and over again. I woke up feeling incredibly wounded. I hadn't thought about her rejecting me for a very long time, and re-living it in a dream really sucked, but you know what was absent? The anger. I'm no longer angry about the rejection. I don't take it personally because it wasn't her rejecting me as a person. It was her choosing a different path that I couldn't travel alongside her. I'm still sad, but it's not because of the rejection. It's because I still love her and I know I'll never get to spend time with her again. It's the loss that hurts because I'm still in love with a ghost.</p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64243632020-09-03T18:56:51-07:002020-09-03T18:56:51-07:00The Balancing Act<p>It's been another crazy week of balancing Borg Queen, my film industry job and the silly-ass nautical art I do on the side. Oddly enough the nautical art is almost to the point where it makes me a living wage, but alas I have no deep passion for it and I don't want to be known as "that nautical artist." At this point I'm basically "that nautical whore," but there are worse ways I could be whoring my skillset. I made this satirical magazine cover today to celebrate my artistic whoredom.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/e57284e4048ae070e92e495ec61b1e029f0751b7/original/nauticalwhoresmonthly.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool that so many people like the nautical art and want to buy it, but my bionic heart belongs to Borg Queen. It's the art that truly is a reflection of my psyche. I'm not giving it up, but I'm starting to seriously rethink how I'm going to go about producing content. I'm currently setting up a micro patronage subscription model kinda like a Patreon or Only Fans type idea, but it's going to be directly through my website so all of the proceeds go directly to me and will help me create more content on a regular basis and also interact more with my audience. Since live shows aren't happening for a while I think this will be a really great way to connect with my fans. </p>
<p>This week I started setting up the subscriptions and I've decided to go with 3 levels starting at $2 per month. What I'm going to do is have a secret blog that I'll be updating with behind the scenes content and getting everyone to vote on creative decisions. The higher level of subscriptions will include perks like free merch and one on one video chats. </p>
<p>Since I'm going to be working regularly on "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" for at least the next couple years it'll give my audience a chance to become creative collaborators while at the same time helping finance the production. This past week I designed a logo. It's not the final one by an means. I'm going to be designing a few more versions and I'll be getting the subscribers to vote on their favorite version. Here's the first one I've come up with.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/3be61e0e8561b6a2aaa24683b4038c7fd8222b49/original/abhb-logo01.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" />The logo design is a pretty big deal because it's not only a branding thing, but also it's going to go on all the title boxes of everything I'm designing for the film. I'm super excited to apply everything I've learned so far working in the film industry to "A Bionic Holiday Ballad." I've learned so much already and also some really great tricks for streamlining my workflow. So far I've completed the screenplay and put together some inspiration boards, but I'm not going to be revealing those until a later date. The inspiration boards I'll be posting on this blog, but the screenplay is only going to be shared with subscribers.</p>
<p>I still don't have access to my Borg Queen Facebook Page, and I've really grown tired of Facebook censorship and pesky algorithms that don't tend to favor my content, so I'm really hoping this subscription idea takes off. This year has certainly been one of learning to adjust to adversarial circumstances. I feel like this is just another bump in the road, but just like the Borg I will analyze and adapt. </p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64178412020-08-26T13:46:35-07:002020-08-26T14:00:37-07:00Creative Confessions Of A Recovering Addict<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/849c5a7356ce7ededc18e0c9d49a6af0c5e504c9/original/bq-blogpost-creativeconfessionsofarecoveringaddict.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>It has been a very productive week. Dare I say TOO productive? Is that even a thing? For me it is. You see, I have a work addiction. No, I'm not exagerrating or trying to be funny or cute, my work addiction is real and akin to any other addiction whether it be substances, food, gambling or sex.</p>
<p>In recent years my work addiction has spiraled so far out of control that I have had to seek professional help. I started seeing an addictions counselor and attending a 16 Step group so I can better manage my addiction. The recovery experience has been very eye opening with helping me understand the root cause of this compulsive need to work myself until I drop. The 16 Step group I attend has taught me a lot about addictive behavior and the people who suffer from them. My group is diverse, it's not just for one specific addiction and we don't even tell the rest of the group what our "drug of choice" is. I've really enjoyed this approach because it keeps the focus off the substance use and helps us focus more on ourselves and what causes us to engage in our harmful behavior.</p>
<p>Another interesting thing I've observed is that even though we all may use different substances/behaviors to cope, we all derive a sense of self-esteem and security from using our drug of choice. Work is absolutely my source of self-esteem and security. It makes me feel better when something is bothering me. It keeps me from feeling lonely and worthless. Hell, it even gives me a rush of endorphins to cross a task off my "to do" list.</p>
<p>My obession with getting as much done in a day as possible is a lot like a drug binge. I'll keep crossing off tasks one after another much like a problem cocaine user will snort line after line, and when I'm laser focussing and getting shit done I feel fucking amazing, but the problem is that I can't stop. Eventually I burn out from exhaustion and pass out. My addiction to work has cost me my health, my sanity and relationships. That's how I know it's a problem and not just having a good work ethic.</p>
<p>This past week I worked 10 hour days on the TV show. Working a 10 hour day for me is like giving a problem drinker a pitcher of beer and saying, "Hey, drink this, but after you're done, don't have any more." Feed me a 10 hour day and I can't stop. Feed me a 10 hour day where I'm working not only on a TV show but also multitasking by desigining graphics for Nautical Nonsense and writing lyrics for Borg Queen, it's like handing me a bottle of vodka and an eightball of cocaine and saying, "keep on going you fucking champ!" </p>
<p>The thing is, I've worked hard(pardon the pun) to achieve a managable work-life balance over the past year, but now with working these insane hours again I'm really concerned that I'm going to slip back into old habits again and completely neglect my health and relationships. I am however determined to check myself and continue to work on my underlying issues that cause me to overindulge in work.</p>
<p>One of the ways I'm working through the issues that caused me to develop these unhealthy behaviors is through the character Elanor Sharpe from A Bionic Holiday Ballad. I've written them to be a workaholic among other things and the film will explore what has brought Elanor to the place of utter isolation and bitterness they find themselves in on the Holiday Eve. Elanor is how I imagine myself in the future if I don't make changes now. Elanor's past mirrors my own and the story is written through the lens of someone who has experienced privilege in certain areas of their life, but also faced marginalization in other areas.</p>
<p>This week I incorporated the first two songs into the screenplay. The first song is called "Haunted Holidays" and the second one is "Love Is Irrelevant." Below is an excerpt of the screenplay which includes the song "Love Is Irrelevent." I currently don't believe that love is irrelevant, but I definitely have believed it in the past. Hope you enjoy this little sneak preview.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/c0d2c61dc71b3f6b156203bcc849f443a034f401/original/loveisirrelevant-excerpt.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> </p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64116532020-08-17T17:41:43-07:002020-08-17T17:43:24-07:00The "New Normal"<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/73fdb2915f7f1a3336dffbd5cce09092fc315894/original/bq-blogpost-thenewnormal.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I should really call it the "new abnormal" considering there's really nothing about me that has ever been "normal." What does normal even mean anyway? For me normal has always been the status quo, and I can't say I've ever conformed to the status quo. However, when I say normal, I mean my own personal normal which has been ever evolving over the past few years. Such is the life of an artist though. Nothing ever stays the same for very long, which is refreshing to be honest and keeps one from getting into a rut.</p>
<p>For the past few weeks I've had to make quite a bit of an adjustment and learn to get myself into somewhat of a routine as I'm now working 10 hour days out of a production office on a new TV series until at least the new year. This means that I've had to work all of my other creative projects around my new schedule, and there's been less time to spend on the ever important self care.</p>
<p>Over the pandemic my other art brand Nautical Nonsense has gained some unexpected traction. I honestly didn't expect it to mushroom into what it's become. It literally just started out with me making old tymey inspired nautical art pieces as "filler art" to decorate the sets of A Bionic Holiday Ballad. I just started posting them to my social media and I kept on getting messages from people interested in buying them, so I've had to keep making more. I even started taking on custom commissions.</p>
<p>One of the people who recently had a custom piece done was a fellow musician Hannu Kulju of the <a contents="neoindustrial&nbsp;folk metal project TONTTU" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.youtube.com/user/Tonttufindergeneral?reload=9&fbclid=IwAR2pKDHKHinTwQatEjAM_5O-IrwNs3Ub9HtQ_b710Pa4Ea5RcAFW0ufvkI4" target="_blank">neoindustrial folk metal project TONTTU</a>. TONTTU is a real enigma of a project. On the surface it seems nonsensical but if you analyze it a bit deeper it has a very strong anti fascist message. For those of you who don't know,"tonttu" is the Finnish word for gnome. Within the lyrical context of TONNTU the gnomes are fascists. I highly suggest you go check out the project for yourself for a couple reasons. First, it's super unique and rad, and secondly because I'm working on a collaboration with TONTTU that is based off the artwork I created.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/5a4e217c006deaee4b72c61607fe6ed2962ee37a/original/20200702-120128-1.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Hannu has written some lyrics and I'm doing the music for a single. We might even do some video...who knows? This isn't the first time I've done a Finnish language song. As you may recall I recorded a single last year after my Mummo died. I wanna give you a little preview of what we've done so far. I have yet to write any music, but I'm definitely heading in a very ominous direction with it. The song is about global warming. Environmental issues are near and dear to both mine and Hannu's heart. The lyrics for the song are in Finnish but we've included a line by line translation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_large"><strong>Merellisiä Seikkailuja / Nautical Adventures </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Ihmiskunta vedessä, <br><strong><em>Human species in the water, </em></strong><br>mikä on nyt edessä? <br><em><strong>what lies ahead? </strong></em><br>Oi armoa meille suokaa, <br><em><strong>Oh show us some mercy, </strong></em><br>kohta oomme vain Amstaffin ruokaa: <br><em><strong>as soon we will be nothing but food for Amstaffs: </strong></em><br>Muistomme katoaa vetisenä kaasuna osaksi hiljentynyttä maailmaa! <br><em><strong>Our memory shall vanish across the now silenced world as watery gas! </strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Pitäis saavuttaa syvä transsi, <br><em><strong>We should get into deep trance, </strong></em><br>ettei paaduttais tonttujen tanssi. <br><em><strong>not to be numbed by gnomes’ dance. </strong></em><br>Jos emme muuta suuntaa - oi sen mä lupaan, <br><em><strong>If we do not change our course – I will promise you, </strong></em><br>tulee kunnol koht meille - lunta tupaan! <br><em><strong>we shall soon get what has been coming to us! </strong></em><br>Ihmiskunta meressä - keuhkoissa vettä, <br><em><strong>Human species in the sea – lungs filled with water, </strong></em><br>uimas muovin keskellä: Ai että! <br><em><strong>swimming in the middle of plastic: I’ll be! </strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Tonttujen toimiessa kuskin paikalla, <br><em><strong>Gnomes on driver’s seat, </strong></em><br>kipatessaan meidät meren syleilyyn... <br><em><strong>ditching us into the embrace of the sea... </strong></em><br>Universumin kääntäessä meille selkänsä, <br><em><strong>As the universe turns its’ back on us, </strong></em><br>kaiken yllä leijuu Gnordorin Aina Valpas Silmä! <br><em><strong>The Ever Vigilant Eye Of Gnordor floats upon everything! </strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Kannattiko nyt – planeetalle alkaa, <br><em><strong>Was it worth it – to try to take it on the planet, </strong></em><br>eipä kukaan ikinä muista - omassa silmässä malkaa. <br><em><strong>seems like no one ever remembers – the beam in one’s own eye. </strong></em><br>Ohjat annoimme tontuille – silmät laitoimme kiinni, <br><em><strong>We let gnomes take control – closed our eyes, </strong></em><br>Ei tää homma vanhentunut – kuin laadukas viini. <br><em><strong>This thing did not age well – nothing like quality wine indeed.</strong></em> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Veden elävät nyt nassuttavat silmäni – syövät mun jalan, <br><em><strong>Aquatic dwellers now munching my eyes – eating my foot, </strong></em><br>Mä ainakin haluun iltapalaks – pallokalan! <br><em><strong>I, for one, want to become an evening meal for a blowfish!</strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"> </p>
<p>Just in case you missed it from before or just haven't listened to it in a while, here's my first Finnish language song <em><strong>Suojelusenkeli - Guardian Angel </strong></em>available as a <em><strong>FREE DOWNLOAD.</strong></em></p>
<p> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"> </p>3:50Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/64067752020-08-10T16:34:19-07:002020-08-10T20:02:15-07:00I Joined The Mysterious Benedict Society<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/980dc16ddf3cd98093f74c640d3621457202db1e/original/bq-blogpost-mbs.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>For those of you wondering what the heck the Mysterious Benedict Society is, it's a popular youth adventure series of novels by Trenton Lee Stewart that<a contents=" Disney is making into a TV series starring Tony Hale, Kristen Schaal and Ryan Hurst." data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://deadline.com/2020/04/the-mysterious-benedict-society-cast-hulu-drama-kristen-schaal-series-regulars-1202914536/" target="_blank"><strong> Disney is making into a TV series starring Tony Hale, Kristen Schaal and Ryan Hurst.</strong></a> I have been hired by said TV series to work in their Art Department. I was technically hired way back in March, but a week into production we had to shut down due to the coronavirus pandemic. Now we're back and I'm stoked about the opportunity to get to learn from some of the best! I specifically took this project on because I knew the production design would be really fantastical. From a purely visual standpoint there's nothing like it right now on TV, so it's going to have a definite novelty factor.</p>
<p>I've been back at it about a week now and I've already learned a shit ton of workflow ideas to implement on my own film and video projects to move them along more efficiently. I'm also learning some new set design software programs which is really great too. My ultimate goal however is to do a really solid job production designing my Borg Queen film "A Bionic Holiday Ballad." I'm really blessed that my office is right next to the production designer, <a contents="Michael Wylie" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0943796/" target="_blank"><strong>Michael Wylie</strong></a>. He's a pretty cool dude and I'm already learning a lot from him.</p>
<p>I unforntunately can't divulge too much about what I'm working on with The Mysterious Benedict Society, but the really important thing is that I'm getting to apply all the lessons I'm learning to my Borg Queen stuff. This first episode we're working on has been a huge learning curve for me.</p>
<p>I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty exhausted because we're working 10 hour days and I'm still very much committed to diligently carrying on with my chronic health condition management program which involves physio exercises 3 times a day, acupuncture, swimming 3-4 times a week, weekly chiropractic sessions, weekly kinesiology appointment, weekly counselling appointment and 2 nights of support group meetings. Working and taking proper care of myself is more than a full time job!</p>
<p>On the plus side, my mental and physical health hasn't been this consistently good in well over 4 years. For a couple years life was just throwing one traumatic thing after another at me. I hit some really low points and it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, but slowly I've been coming back. It feels great. Part of the process was letting go of some really unrealistic expectations I placed on myself and other people, but a really big and crucial part was learning to be kinder to myself. I know this pandemic has been really tough on a lot of people and it certainly has presented me with some challenges too, but one thing it really put into perspective was how important taking care of our health really is.</p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/63934342020-07-25T19:29:43-07:002020-07-25T19:29:43-07:00My Facebook Fiasco!!!<p>I fucking hate Facebook most of the time. Seriously, the only reason I'm on there is to connect with people through my art and music, otherwise it's just a bombardment of answers to questions I've never asked. I'm introverted by nature and I don't do well in large groups of people. Facebook is essentially a large group of people all spouting off similtaneously about random shit. However, I've come to accept Facebook as a necessary evil and a valuable tool to promote my art.</p>
<p>Aside from Borg Queen, my other silly side project Nautical Nonsense has been gaining some serious traction and I've been managing to supplement some of my income during the pandemic by selling nautical art. Honestly, this additional revenue stream has been such a huge blessing, but now that I've been entirely locked out of Facebook, I can't even make sales of my nautical art. I do have an Instagram, but it's not as effective as posting my work on my personal page. my posts tend to get a lot more organic reach when I post on my personal page versus my Borg Queen or Nautical nonsense page because Facebook algorithms limit the reach of business pages so that content creators like myself will pay for posts to be boosted.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/234793/8b5fb5df05a40cfd7169471467ba92e5363f95e2/original/20200717-092830.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>So, now I'm super frustrated and contemplating my next step as to how I'm effectively going to promote my art. Thankfully though I just got word that I will be returning to work soon on my film job with Disney that I can't talk too much about yet, but I promise I will as soon as I can. In the mean time if you're a social media junkie, you can follow my nautical art account on Instagram if you already haven't https://www.instagram.com/nautical.nonsense.jenny</p>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61958972020-01-28T15:45:00-08:002020-02-04T16:14:12-08:00Aaaaand...ACTION!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zbPFsqmHtbM/XjDHCY8srKI/AAAAAAAAePw/U2AVhPRnIXEM7iFzNy0mXsDrjiCCG9jLACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Aaaaand...Action%2521.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zbPFsqmHtbM/XjDHCY8srKI/AAAAAAAAePw/U2AVhPRnIXEM7iFzNy0mXsDrjiCCG9jLACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Aaaaand...Action%2521.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br><br>A couple weeks ago I started doing a government funded self management course for people who suffer from chronic health conditions. If you've known me for any period of time you would know that I have fibromyalgia plus have been struggling with PTSD for the past few years which comes with anxiety and depression. I'm not going to be going into that in this post though. What I do want to share is how doing this self management program is impacting my creative life. In this program we learn and practice a variety of strategies that help us positively manage our health conditions.<br><br>This post week we covered making an "action plan." According to the several health professionals who wrote this program action planning is probably the most important self-management tool. So what is an action plan? An action plan is an action you can take that is short term, doable and sets you on the road towards achieving a goal. In my program we set goals to enhance our quality of life.<br><br>Unsurprisingly, working on creative projects enhances my quality of life. So, while I do set goals that are specific to my physical condition, feeding my mental, emotional and spiritual health is equally important and very much complementary to managing my physical condition. A lot of why I've been creatively dormant for the past year as far as Borg Queen goes is that the goals I wish to accomplish within this project are rather lofty. It's not that I've had a creative block or lost inspiration, it's just that I've been battling the physical effects of my chronic illness which has left me with no energy to work on anything...or so I thought.<br><br> What I've learned is that the secret of an effective action plan is to not try to do everything at once. Inside my head I imagine everything all at once, but the problem is that in the physical world I am not capable of doing everything at once, so I've just had to accept that I'm limited and have to work within those limitations. What I've been learning to do is look at what I can realistically accomplish within the next week and base my action plan on what I can realistically achieve.<br><br> Another crucial point about the action plan is that it should be about something I want to do, not something that will please anyone else. So when making my first action plan in this course I asked myself, "Jenny, what do YOU want to do?" The reply was, "I really want to write the screenplay for 'A Bionic Holiday Ballad.'"<br><br>Of course with me being an obsessive workaholic and wanting to get it done as fast as possible, my initial action plan was pretty unrealistic. At first I wanted to get the whole thing written within a week, but that would have required me to write 20 pages a day. It's totally doable if I push myself and don't have any other distractions, but the likelihood of accomplishing it was 50/50. They say you need to be at least 70% sure that you can complete your action plan, so I asked myself, "what is a number of pages you KNOW you can write in a day?"<br><br>I settled on 5 pages a day because I wanted to feel like I was succeeding and not having to stress out about it. Man! What a difference it makes to set up a plan that is easily accomplished! It's encouraging. It fosters hope and builds confidence. Everyday I was able to exceed my goal of 5 pages and that made me feel pretty damn good about myself. I was able to get the screenplay done in 10 days! Getting it done in a week would have put unnecessary pressure on myself, and for what? It's not like I'm working for anyone but myself.<br><br> So now that I've written the screenplay I've decided to turn "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" into a musical. I'm gonna be honest that the inspiration to turn this story into a musical is totally coming from my love of "A Muppet Christmas Carol." My version obviously is going to be darker and have a very distinct "Borg Queen" sound to it. My "Bionic Holiday Ballad" action plan for the week is to sift through the screenplay again and determine at which points a song would fit.<br><br>Old Jenny would have written an action plan for this week that would have included the aforementioned plan, plus coming up with song titles, plus writing all the lyrics in one week. Old Jenny would have set themselves up for a stressful week and would be motivated to complete their action plan out of a fear of failure.<br><br> Fear can be an effective motivator, but it's not a sustainable one and the cost is too high. Fear is something that has motivated me a lot in my life. It's also cost me my mental and physical health. One of the things I've been practicing over that past year is to not allow myself to take action as the result of fear. I'm learning to take action because I want to, not because I'm afraid of the consequences of inaction.<br><br> The protagonist in "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" is Elanor Sharp a parallel to Ebenezar Scrooge. Scrooge is a character that if you really start examining their motives for their heinous behavior, you start to realize that their primary motivator is fear. Fear is going to be a major theme that is explored in the character of Elanor Sharp and I'm going to incorporate my own experience with being a workaholic motivated by fear into that character. However, getting to know Elanor Sharp is another blog post for another day.<br><br>For now I'm just going to work on my action plan for this week and enjoy the process. If you enjoyed reading this blog, and want to stay updated with what's going on with my project, then sign up for the mailing list at the top of the page. I love hearing feedback from you, so feel free to leave a comment or if you have any questions about what I've written just shoot me an email at borgqueenmusic@gmail.comBorg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61958982020-01-19T14:45:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Caught The Bug<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5TmdXlv-C08/XiTbwyodjDI/AAAAAAAAeNI/g21RCfyJqAwNB7NF7F7K17-CaZb-PRrlgCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Caught%2Bthe%2BBug.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5TmdXlv-C08/XiTbwyodjDI/AAAAAAAAeNI/g21RCfyJqAwNB7NF7F7K17-CaZb-PRrlgCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Caught%2Bthe%2BBug.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><span style="background-color: clear"><span style="clear;"><br></span></span><span style="background-color: clear">I don't know if you know this about me, but Captain Picard from <i><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092455/" target="_blank">Star Trek: The Next Generation</a></i> is my childhood hero, so naturally I'm super stoked for his return to the small screen in the upcoming spin off series <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8806524/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank"><i>Star Trek: Picard</i>.</a> Sir Patrick Stewart's brilliant performance is what made the character so beloved and influential to many people of my generation.</span><br><span style="clear"><span style="color: white;"><br></span><span style="color: white;">Now, with it being 2020 and myself an avid Picard/Sir Patrick fan I follow both accounts on social media. The other day I followed a link to <a href="https://variety.com/2020/tv/features/patrick-stewart-star-trek-picard-cbs-all-access-1203459573/" target="_blank">an article in <i>Variety</i> featuring Patrick Stewart</a>. The article kicks off with mention of Patrick Stewart's one man theatrical adaption of Charles Dickens' <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Christmas_Carol" target="_blank"><i>A Christmas Carol</i>. </a></span></span><br><span style="clear"><span style="color: white;"><br></span><span style="color: white;">Is it a coincidence that I've been formulating my own adaptation of the timeless tale as well? Up until this point, my version was only ideas loosely woven together and I had yet to put pen to paper or more accurately fingers to keys. However, as I continued to read the article, there were some points that began to spark the motivation to start actively working on it that I had been lacking.</span></span><br><span style="clear"><span style="color: white;"><br></span><span style="color: white;">The first one was Sir Patrick assertion that <i>A Christmas Carol</i> is more relevant in our present time than ever.</span></span><br><span style="clear"><span style="color: white;"><br></span></span><br><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i style="clear;">...'Stewart believes that makes the piece more timely than ever. He characterizes “<b>A Christmas Carol</b>” as a “profoundly angry attack” on a society that treats marginalized people as subhuman. “Forget about Tiny Tim and all that stuff,” he says. “It’s a political document.” ' </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i style="clear;"><br></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;">I personally couldn't agree more, and that's the direction that I will be taking with my version. The setting will be a dystopian future in which human rights have been curtailed back to the level they were at in Victorian London as a result of an oppressive capitalist regime that decimated democracy, equality and labor laws, paving the way for the 1% to rule the masses.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;">The second thing Sir Patrick said that hit home in the most personal way was, he described the impact acting had on his young life.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i style="clear;">“Nothing bad could happen to me for the two and a half hours that we were doing the play, because I became somebody else,”</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i style="clear;"><br></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">From a very young age I've loved performing and creating characters and worlds through various mediums for the same reason. Artistic expression is a safe place. It's somewhere I can go to be myself by being someone else. I don't have to be Jenny Kirby the chronically ill, domestic violence and multiple sexual assault </span>survivor<span style="font-family: inherit;"> who suffers from PTSD. I can shed those afflictions and be the White Witch of Narnia or Elanor Sharp the genius bionics engineer. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear; font-family: inherit;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Elanor Sharp </span>incidentally<span style="font-family: inherit;"> is the main character of my version of </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">A Christmas Carol</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> which </span>currently<span style="font-family: inherit;"> has the working title of </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">A Bionic Holiday Ballad. </i><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but the magnitude of tackling a project like this has been daunting and too much to take on...until now. Working on this project will be the next phase in my recovery journey. Elanor is a workaholic with a privileged but traumatic childhood. There will be a lot of events that will mirror my own experiences as we take a trip with the Ghost of Holiday Past. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear; font-family: inherit;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm also going to be layering in some mental health metaphors </span>particularly<span style="font-family: inherit;"> when it comes to what the ghosts symbolize. The Ghost of Holiday Past will represent depression. Holiday Present is will represent existing in a state of serenity and mindfulness and Holiday Future will represent anxiety.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear; font-family: inherit;"><br></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear; font-family: inherit;">This project is a huge undertaking that will be ongoing over the next few years, but it will spawn a whole bunch of new music(at least 2 albums) plus some new music videos, artwork and of course a film. While I do believe in coincidences, I'm taking the timing of the <i>Variety</i> article and the words of Sir Pat Stew as a sign that it's time to allow myself to be infected by the bug again.</span></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61958992020-01-04T17:57:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00It's Lame AF And I Don't Like It<div>
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</div>The mind is willing, not only willing but eager and bursting with ideas. However my body is uncooperative. I still have very limited energy reserves. Every day I tell myself, "today is the day I start working in something again," but to no avail. I run out of steam and can barely get through the bare minimum of things like feeding myself, making sure I go for a walk and go to my counselling appointment. <div><br></div><div>Taking care of my most basic needs has to be the priority, so why is it so damn hard to have a shower and brush my teeth? It's unsatisfying existing like this, but on the plus side since I started doing things like taking walks, eating, cutting back my workload, sleeping and going to all my mental health appointments, I haven't thought about killing myself. </div><div><br></div><div>I guess that's progress. I'm impatient though. I want to do more than just cope, but I'm not physically capable of it right now. It's a bummer to be sure because I thrive on achievement. While some are content to hang out and chill, I get antsy. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people, but then I wouldn't be me and I like me.<div><br></div>
<div>I keep telling myself to be patient and trust that the time will come for me to become a force of creative productivity again. Oh how I long for it! Creating is a driving force in my life. It's more fulfilling than any relationship and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I know I've driven some people away because of my extreme focus on my creative projects, and I do lament it on a very deep level. However, my drive to create runs deeper than any sadness I feel towards the loss of loved ones. </div>
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<div>That is just my nature, and I can't deny it. I refuse to moralize it too. Call me selfish if you want, but it's not selfish to know oneself and acknowledge one's needs. Just because I'm not fulfilled by family and relationships like a lot of people are, doesn't make me an uncompassionate monster. I just know who I am, and creating provides me with a sense of purpose like nothing else in the world.</div>
</div><div><br></div><div>Aside from the fact that the creative process fulfills me, what I love about it, is sharing it. I have a difficult time connecting with people in conventional social situations. I'm painfully shy unless I'm on stage, and I hate being touched(unless it's under a very specific set of circumstances). Talking and touching seem to be the most common ways people connect, but it's not my cup of tea, so I'm grateful that I have the option of sharing my art as a means of connection.</div><div><br></div><div>I guess I'm just feeling so frustrated and isolated right now because I don't have the physical capacity to do the things that give me a sense of purpose and connection. It's lame as fuck and I don't like it.</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959002019-11-13T10:33:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Rewiring Childhood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-oEyTLjoe23s/Xc2ByJbxn4I/AAAAAAAAduM/xD-PeRGmsGE3jra6YGLbXdo-fuq04ikIQCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/1573749190274064-0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-oEyTLjoe23s/Xc2ByJbxn4I/AAAAAAAAduM/xD-PeRGmsGE3jra6YGLbXdo-fuq04ikIQCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/1573749190274064-0.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" width="400" /> </a>
</div>I haven't done anything artistically significant (by my own definition) in a while. Some might argue that working as a concept illustrator on Arrow for the past 2 years and and playing a show this past weekend are artistically significant, but by my impossibly high standards for myself I am doing the bare minimum. I spend most of my time in a state of introspection. I am working on healing my mind, body, soul and spirit. This is no easy task because for years I abused myself and have been subjected to the abuse of others. We all have, to varying degrees of course, but not one of us has come into adulthood unscathed. <div><br></div><div>The ways in which we abuse ourselves are fascinating because the root is often not apparent. The origins of our self abuse stems from our childhood. Since many of us don't remember much from our early years, it may be hard to figure out where these destructive thought patterns which feed our destructive behaviors and toxic relationships came from. The point of discovering our dysfunctional origin is not to lay blame and absolve ourselves of responsibility, but rather to challenge those things that were said and done to us so that we can break the grip they still have on our lives today. We are essentially rewiring our brains by doing this.</div><div><br></div><div>I'll give you an example. My entire sense of self worth has come from the idea that I am intelligent, creative, artistically talented and capable of doing anything I set my mind to. This has hammered into me by my parents and affirmed by my teachers and peers. Even the kids who didn't like me and were super cruel to me still conceded that I was smart and talented. I may not have had friends, but at least I had a sharp mind and I could wow people with my artistic talents. As a result, I began to equate admiration with affection, but I rarely connected with anyone on a deep personal level. I never felt loved and accepted for who I was at my core. I derived my sense of value from my abilites and how much people admired me for them even if they didn't necessarily know me or even like me. I never learned to let anyone in and what intimacy really is. </div><div><br></div><div>Now it's time to rewire. I'm beginning to see how years of placing my sense of self worth in my abilites isn't sustainable. In this stage of my life having a chronic illness and a host of mental health issues has diminished my ability to be this highly intelligent, extraordinary artist, who's a creative force to be reckoned with. I'm having to learn to derive my worth elsewhere and that's an uncomfortable place to be. I'm having to be compassionate with myself which is something I never learned in my childhood. I have to rewire that thought path in my mind that tells me "I have to exceed my previous achievements to have value." I'm working on changing that thought pattern to "I am enough as I am right now and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be." </div><div><br></div><div>Nobody ever said anything like that to me as a kid so the thought had never occurred to me. The first time I heard it something along the lines that my worth doesn't come from my talents and abilities, I rejected it. I'm still having a tough time believing it, but I'm determined to change and grow. Change and growth takes time though. I have been making a concentrated effort to not do anything spectacular(by my old standard) yet still affirm that I am just as valuable, loveable and worthy of connection. Rewiring is hard work.<br>
</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959012019-05-17T15:59:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Mind Your Own Business<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Kqyu3MXh_lI/XN84GaYcYJI/AAAAAAAAaEM/XGIIrS9W5zgYsxWs-qbiKXB2CBnKwgHDgCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ%2BBlog%2BPost%2B-%2BMYOB.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Kqyu3MXh_lI/XN84GaYcYJI/AAAAAAAAaEM/XGIIrS9W5zgYsxWs-qbiKXB2CBnKwgHDgCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ%2BBlog%2BPost%2B-%2BMYOB.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br><br><b><i>"Mind Your Own Business"</i></b> was the topic of discussion this week in one of my recovery groups. I can't tell you specifically which fellowship it is because we agree to a policy anonymity. What I will say is the thing we all have in common in this group was that we have all been affected by someone else's substance use and in our attempts to help our loved one, we have neglected ourselves. So in this weeks meeting we shared our thoughts on what "Mind Your On Business" means and how we implement it in our own life.<br><br><h4>For me, minding my own business is two fold principle:</h4><div><br></div><h3><span style="font-size: x-large;">1. Do Not Try To Control Others</span></h3><div>Have you ever tried to change someone's mind? Were you successful? Probably not, and if they did change their mind it's because they chose to change their mind. They were likely presented with information that they considered carefully and then drew their own conclusions. Changing someone's behavior is even more impossible than changing someone's mind because the only person who change their behavior is themselves. We have a saying in my fellowship as it pertains to our loved one's substance use. "I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it." This mantra can be applied to literally every behavior, not just substance use. </div><div><br></div><span style="font-size: large;">Imagine how much more time and energy you would have to make a positive impact in the world if: </span><br><span style="font-size: large;"><br>a. You stopped trying to change other people's behavior<br>b. Only tried to improve and regulate yourself</span><br><h3></h3><h3><span style="font-size: x-large;">2. Take Responsibility For Myself</span></h3><div>So, for me the second part of minding my own business is to define what is my OWN business. My first duty is to look after myself. This doesn't mean I don't care about others. It just means that my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are my priority. </div><div><br></div><div>As a parent I set a poor example to my children if I neglect myself. It's important for them to see a woman who respects herself enough to engage in a regular self care routine and set healthy boundaries. Witnessing this behavior at home teaches my kids that I am not here for their convenience and that bodily autonomy and mental wellness is paramount.</div><div><br></div><div>Setting healthy boundaries is a huge part of minding my own business and the biggest thing I've learned about boundaries is that they are about regulating my behavior and not someone else's. Here are some examples of my personal boundaries. Notice how all of them are about my behavior so that they are 100% enforceable by me.</div><div><br></div><div>1. I am responsible for managing my medical condition</div><div>2. I am financially autonomous, so that financial considerations won't dictate my relationship choices</div><div>3. I am not currently seeking an intimate partnership</div><div>4. My daily self care routine is a priority</div><div><br></div><div>Regulating my own behavior may not be easy, but it's a hell of a lot more effective than wasting my time and energy trying to improve another person. The great thing about boundaries that involve just myself is that I can change them at any time and not have to consult anyone else about it. When I mind my own business consistently, I notice an increase in my energy and peace of mind and this allows me to be more productive and contribute to the world around me in a positive way. </div><div><br></div><div>I'll be honest for the past few years I did not mind my own business and paid the price heavily. I sacrificed my mental health and autonomy because I felt like minding someone else's business was the "right thing to do." I wrote my song Vampires out of the frustration I was feeling within my situation. Growing up female the message you're sent is that you are supposed to be nurturing, compassionate and self-sacrificing when it come to your family. While unconditional love and compassion are noble pursuit, they should never be used an excuse to accept a situation that is harmful to your health or dignity.<br><br>If you're interested in discussing any of these points further, feel free to shoot me an email because I'd love to hear from you <b>borgqueenmusic@gmail.com</b>
</div><div><br></div><a class="zoogle-track-widget" data-height="510" data-style="border: 1px solid #9E9E9E; max-width: 510px;" data-width="100%" href="https://bandzoogle.com/tracks/234793/2810052156/1439124.html">Embed for Vampires</a><script src="https://bandzoogle.com/tracks/234793/2810052156/1439124.js"></script><br><div><br></div><div><b><br></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959022019-05-13T09:47:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Ups & Downs<h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MR_edy9KfoQ/XNmepoDnLLI/AAAAAAAAaBw/bJjz3hJxA3w2Mck7HDGNxNyYxv4hR9D-QCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-Ups%2B%2526%2BDowns.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MR_edy9KfoQ/XNmepoDnLLI/AAAAAAAAaBw/bJjz3hJxA3w2Mck7HDGNxNyYxv4hR9D-QCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-Ups%2B%2526%2BDowns.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Owning my feelings and mental illness empowers me to make changes when I feel like I am ready to.</span></span></h2><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">"Life is full of ups and downs" is what I tell myself when I'm in a slump. I find it helps me broaden my perspective and get unstuck when I find myself paralyzed by the effects on mental illness. If you're a fellow sufferer then you know the vicious cycle of feeling so shitty you can't seem to do anything proactive to change your situation which in turn makes you feel even more useless and shitty.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">This cycle pretty much sums up my past week. I'm writing this post from my chip crumb filled bed and wearing my depression pants that really needed laundering 5 days ago. So, what happened? I was implementing a really consistent self care routine and starting to reap the benefits, then BOOM! I hit a wall. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">First of all, I pushed myself too hard with working 12 hour days and making my Mummo's documentary. I didn't take the time to swim or meditate and my fibromyalgia flared up. Secondly, instead of stepping up my self care game, I let it slide completely. I started compulsively comfort eating, which made me even more tired. Being tired feeds my depression because I feel completely unmotivated to do anything beneficial for myself. Now I'm wallowing and feeling stuck, but you know what? I'm owning it because life is full of ups and downs and this is a down. Denying my feelings or feeling guilty about depression won't change what is. Owning my feelings and mental illness empowers me to make changes when I feel like I am ready to. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Sure there are things out of my control, like other people's actions and the fact that I was born with a neurotransmitter imbalance, and these factors sometimes make it difficult to cope. However, there have been times when I have been able to "rise above" my circumstances and experience serenity, contentment and even happiness. I just have to remind myself that it's ok to have bad days or weeks or even months. Hell, I've had bad years...2016-2018 I'm looking at you, but I've also had moments of joy and experienced contentment because life is full of ups and downs. </div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959032019-05-07T16:37:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Remembering My Dearly Departed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3G2_j35eEIE/XNIWtcDNsQI/AAAAAAAAZ-4/3dTBpPQU_gkaHfdNur7Xe_-f8a2qSaGTACLcBGAs/s1600/_BQ-Blog%2BPost-BQ%2BRemembering.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3G2_j35eEIE/XNIWtcDNsQI/AAAAAAAAZ-4/3dTBpPQU_gkaHfdNur7Xe_-f8a2qSaGTACLcBGAs/s1600/_BQ-Blog%2BPost-BQ%2BRemembering.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br>I'm definitely experiencing grief right now. My Mummo, Meimi Lahti died April 3, 2019. She was 91 and had lived a good long life. While I am very sad that I'll never see her in this physical life again her death is by no means a tragedy. Still, I'm profoundly sad and it will take some time to process the grief and adjust to life without her.<br><br>I have to say that I'm definitely dealing with her death in a much healthier way than when my dad died. I've been going through a recovery process and part of that for me is acknowledging my emotions rather than burying them. When my dad died, I didn't even cry despite the fact that we were incredibly close. I didn't want to process his death. It was too much for me to handle at the time. It's taken years to let him go, but last year I finally was able to.<br><br>Because of the profound impact he had on my life and also the way I dealt with his death I want to base one of my upcoming Borg Queen projects on the way I dealt with his loss. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but needless to say it's going to be a massive project and I have a couple things I want to get done first.<br><br>If you read my previous post, you'll have heard the song I recorded in Finnish to honor my Mummo's memory. I wanted to do something meaningful and organically inspired for my triumphant return to working on Borg Queen stuff again. As you may know I was on a bit of a hiatus for mental health reasons. What you may not know is that while recording a new song I also put together a documentary of my Mummo's life. I premiered it this past Saturday at her memorial and it was a big hit.<br><br>The reason for creating is was multipurpose just like pretty much everything else I created. Firstly, I wanted to use my talents and skills to honor my Mummo's memory. Second of all, I did it for the rest of my family, especially my mom and brother. They helped me make it by narrating their experiences with my Mummo. Finally, I wanted to make something that people could genuinely enjoy watching at the memorial service. Ever been to a memorial and had to sit through a 20 minute slide show of every photo ever taken of the deceased? I know I have, and to be honest after the first 4 minutes it's boring as fuck. I didn't want to subject the guests to another boring slide show so I decided to make a documentary. At the very end I included my eulogy for my Mummo and my new song as part of the sound track. Here it is.<br><br><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5-bSYUJ4M2w" width="560"></iframe>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959042019-05-06T11:09:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00Borg Queen Resurrected<div dir="ltr">If you follow me and my artistic adventures, you may have noticed that my online activity substantially decreased. I'll be honest, I really hate social media and I only use it to connect with fans. I've had to put Borg Queen on the back burner since November 2018 because I was burnt out and in a really unhealthy place. My primary focus for the past several months has been recovery and establishing healthier habits and a self care routine, but I've also been working as a concept artist on the CW series Arrow. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Though life is far from perfect and my circumstances haven't changed I've learned healthier ways of coping. Rather than bury myself with work and binge on my various vices I take time every day to swim and meditate. I've learned to ask for help rather than just try to do everything myself. I've stopped trying to fix other people's problems and focus only on improving and regulating myself. It hasn't been easy, and old habits are hard to break, but I've definitely noticed that I'm enjoying more serenity and obsessing less over situations that I have no control over. I'm slowly starting to come back.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">A month ago my Mummo(Finnish grandma) died, and instead of stuffing my feelings I've allowed myself to greive and acknowledge the plethora of emotions that goes along with losing a loved one as uncomfortable as it may be at times. I decided that my return to Borg Queen should be gradual and organic and working through my Mummo's death has allowed me to return in exactly that way. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I recorded a song in Finnish which is my first language. My Mummo despite living in Canada for 50 years never learned to speak English so if I wanted to talk to her it had to be in Finnish. My last moments with her were spent at her bed side singing a song to her in Finnish that I had sung at a Finnish Christmas concert when I was 4. The song was called Suojelusenkeli which means guardian angel. It was written by Finnish poet Immi Hellen in 1884 in a time when it was common for people to die in infancy and childhood. The song is about a child traveling in the dark abyss of the afterlife who is guided home by a guardian angel. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/616610175&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959052018-12-13T10:48:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00This Is Why<div dir="ltr">So if you follow this blog I wanna say thanks and provide and explanation for not posting for several months. There's a big long story as to why but the short answer is I've been battling ongoing depression and PTSD related anxiety as the result of sexual assault, physical and psychlogical abuse. I've had to put some things be the wayside just to cope this blog being one of them. I've withdrawn and become reclusive. As much as I've tried to put up a brave front, I'm crumbling inside. The temptation has been to resort to the usual forms of comfort and for me that's binge eating and drinking. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I wish I could share in greater detail what specifically has been going on, but it violates the privacy of my family. I will say that chronic illness, addiction, cancer, sexual assault, criminal and civil legal problems are some of the things I've been dealing with. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I've been neglecting Borg Queen as a result. I had some really big plans for the release of my music video Hedonist, but unfortunately just didn't have the energy to pull it off. I've been trying really hard not to be too hard on myself and just accept that this is where things are at right now. It's hard though in a virtual world of image crafting not to feel like your life is somehow falling short. I'm addicted to productivity and accomplishment and since June I haven't been able to do much of anything artistically speaking because I've had to turn my attention to self care.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I hope that if you take anything from this post, it's that self care isn't selfish. Just because you have a job or 3, significant other, kids etc. doesn't mean you prioritize them before yourself. In fact, your well being is the priority otherwise over time every area of your life will begin to suffer including the relationships with the people you love the most. The analogy my therapist gave me is that when you're travelling with a child on an airplane and the cabin depressurizes, you must put on your own oxygen mask before you put one on the child. You must help yourself first before you can help others.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I'm not sure what the future will bring. Probably some decent artistic material though in light of the struggles I've been facing as of late. I'm not sure whe I'll start pumping out more content again, but in the mean time enjoy the creative fruit of some past traumas. Here's Hedonist. It's my victim impact statement for domestic violence and rape.</div><div dir="ltr">
<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/q34RkwJ2VPE/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/q34RkwJ2VPE?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.borg-quee-music.com/4-free-songs" target="_blank"><b><span style="font-size: large;">To get a FREE DOWNLOAD of Hedonist click this link and enter your email.</span></b></a></div>
</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959062018-06-03T11:06:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:42-08:00To Thine Own Self Be True<h3>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RGzxt-YQcQU/WxQjjaTZ-AI/AAAAAAAAS90/qeNW-NJszxQeuIpWKlQ6loBgH43y_5hPQCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-To%2BThine%2BOwn%2BSelf.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RGzxt-YQcQU/WxQjjaTZ-AI/AAAAAAAAS90/qeNW-NJszxQeuIpWKlQ6loBgH43y_5hPQCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-To%2BThine%2BOwn%2BSelf.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">When I sit in stillness and call out to infinity</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">I ask, "what can I do to fulfill my purpose?"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">The voice answers my cry every time and says, "Just be."</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">I was sitting on an old cedar log in the woods when the words above and below came to me. The tree that was now a rotting "nursery log" with new trees growing out of it got me thinking that no matter where we are in our life cycle we always have a purpose. So I scrawled down the words below, so I could turn them into one of those branded inspirational meme things that people seem to love(or hate).</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qauai2-wF78/WxQmBVCq5QI/AAAAAAAAS-A/iSolOKZgQ3gGGoOm4R0Zq2o64Ak80sb8gCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-WisdomMeme15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qauai2-wF78/WxQmBVCq5QI/AAAAAAAAS-A/iSolOKZgQ3gGGoOm4R0Zq2o64Ak80sb8gCLcBGAs/s400/BQ-WisdomMeme15.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">The hardest part is knowing who you are. There are so many voices telling us throughout life who we are because of what we are. We get told by society, our parents, teachers and authority figures who we are and those early influences hold so many pre-</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">conceived notions of who we are simply because of what we are. By what, I mean our gender, age, race, nationality, social status etc.</span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The second hardest part is figuring out what to do. The decisions we make in life are very much influenced by who we believe ourselves to be. If we've been influenced our entire lives by other people's opinions of who we are then what we do is also going to be determined by other people. See the problem here?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">So let's go back to the "Who are you" question...only YOU can answer that. By who you are I don't mean what is your job title, relationship status, gender or race. Who you are is intrinsic. You can call it your spirit or soul or consciousness depending on your system of beliefs. The point is that it would remain the same if it were to be transplanted into another body, in another place and time. It is the essence of YOU! </span></span><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Nobody can tell you who you are. You just are. You are a unique individual and therefore you realize that just being who you are on your own is enough, it's time to decide where and how you're going to be your badass self.</span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">There may be some limitations on what you can do or at least the capacity in which way you go about it. Those limits can be:</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">- Physical</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">- Circumstancial</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">- Technological</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">- Societal</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">- Personal</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">- Relational</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">- Financial</span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">I believe the greatest limitation is the physical element of time. There simply isn't enough time to do everything we can or want to do. So the starting point in figuring out what to do could be to ask yourself, "What is the most worthwhile use of my time?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are a lot of things a person can do with their time, but determining which ones or the most worthwhile is key. </span></span><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: 400;">I chose to be an artist rather than a lawyer or scientist because I felt it was a better use of my time. My ability to analyze, interpret and communicate could have been put to good use in the legal or scientific research fields, but I felt that in combination with my other skills and interests being an artist ultimately is a more worthwhile use of my time. </span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: 400;">Where we fulfill our life's purpose is one of those things in which we have the least amount of choice. We have no choice under what circumstances we are born. The country, moment in history, who are parents are and the choices other people make impact our lives and we don't have any control over those factors. Life isn't fair. Some of us are born into far more favorable circumstances than others, but no matter where we are in life, we can still fulfill our purpose as long as we don't lose sight of WHO we are. </span></div>
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</h3><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-size: large;">Like my blog? Then, you probably would enjoy my project Borg Queen. It's all my artistic and technical disciplines wrapped into one project that includes music, visual and performance art. <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank">Sign up to my mailing list and get 4 of my songs for FREE!</a></span></span></h3><div><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br></span></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959072018-05-15T16:39:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00Being Normal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lNqbIytWfwE/WvtvjcHKA3I/AAAAAAAAS8M/oEfC70gqdCQRVD6ofsnk_KhKLc78MG1FQCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-Being%2BNormal.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lNqbIytWfwE/WvtvjcHKA3I/AAAAAAAAS8M/oEfC70gqdCQRVD6ofsnk_KhKLc78MG1FQCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost-Being%2BNormal.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br><br>Sometimes I wish I could just be normal, but I can't and I never could. I tried it once when I was 13, and I sucked at it. My peers could see right through it, even though I dressed and tried to act normal so I could fit in, I was still an outcast. It's like I emanate this aura of weirdness that people instinctively pick up on. I'm ok with not fitting in, and being a weirdo. It's fine because I've been practicing the art of giving zero fucks for years now. Ironically the fewer fucks I give about people liking me, the more people like me.<br><div><br></div><div>When I say that I wish I could be normal, I mean that I wish I could just be content living a life of mediocrity and conforming to the status quo. I feel like if I could just be normal then my marriage wouldn't have collapsed and I would have closer relationships with my other immediate family members. A life less ordinary has left it's scars, but then again no one gets out of this life unscathed.</div><div><br></div><div>It's weird, because I've done all that normal shit you're supposed to do without the intent of ever doing it. I've been married, reproduced and I own a home. I don't know why those are the things that as North Americans we strive to achieve. I'm certainly not content to just be a homeowner, wife and mom. I kinda wish I was, because I feel like life would be less complicated. I ask myself all the time, "Are all of those happy wives and moms on Facebook actually as happy as they claim to be? Is having a husband and children really that completely fulfilling for them? Are their kids really their world? Why is it that other women can be perfectly content with doing the wife-mom thing, but for me it's not enough?" The answer is...<br><br> I cannot exist without creating. I thought about this the other day as I was walking along the pier, at night, in the rain, by myself...having a conversation with an imaginary version of a friend. I don't mean an imaginary friend, but I mean a person that I know in my real life that I imagine to be there with me in that moment. Weird? Who knows, and really I don't care because it's how I figure shit out.<br><br>I asked the imaginary version of my friend, "If I were stranded on an island where I could survive, how would I occupy my time?"<br><br>He responded, "I don't think you'd spend your time making a home for yourself. You'd probably find a cave to live in, and that'd be good enough for you. I could see you making up a story, but not just writing it down. I could see you building entire sets with characters in them like a 3D comic book."<br><br>I was like, "Yeah! That's totally what I'd do! It mirrors what I do right now anyway. I don't spend my time at fucking Bed, Bath & Beyond shopping for housewares with my significant other on the weekend. I'm not a homemaker. I'm a world creator, perhaps at the expense of letting my domestic life crumble, but I can't help it. Even if I were in a situation where all of my material comforts were stripped away, I'd still be compelled to create."<br><br>So here I am. My domestic world in ruins and still creating. Normal? No. A life worth living? Hell yeah! My song Serial Killer from my <a href="https://borg-queen-music.com/album/726101/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">new EP<b> 'Blood Sweat Tears'</b></a><b> </b>is about living in an unorthodox domestic situation with an ex-partner. It's like a post-apocalyptic relationship where you're struggling to survive, and salvaging what's left.<br><br><h3 style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://borg-queen-music.com/track/1439128/serial-killer" target="_blank">Serial Killer is available as a FREE DOWNLOAD on my website</a></h3>
</div><div><br></div><div><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Amot-BIaiJ8" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br></div><div>So what is normal? I mean, there's the status quo societal norms that we're all under some kind of pressure to conform to, but none us are really normal. Maybe we lead so-called normal lives on the outside, but on the inside is this whole different plane of existence. What I've learned about being normal is that your inside world is YOUR normal. Embrace it. The truer we are to living in our outside world as the person we truly are on the inside, the more content and fulfilled our every day life will feel, even if it's a big mess for the time being like mine is right now.<br><br>
</div><h4>Like this blog? Don't want to miss another post? <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank">Join my mailing list</a> and I'll send you an email every time I post something new. Plus you get FREE MUSIC when you sign up.</h4>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959082018-05-12T13:38:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00Mommy Issues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO_eNVEa1Tg/WvdNOJMhzCI/AAAAAAAAS7E/A2Oa8kL8zP8673yIzyk77iwKUWigUYWDACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost%2BMommy%2BIssues.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO_eNVEa1Tg/WvdNOJMhzCI/AAAAAAAAS7E/A2Oa8kL8zP8673yIzyk77iwKUWigUYWDACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-Blog%2BPost%2BMommy%2BIssues.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br><br>Don't get me wrong...I love my mom. She is one of the most caring, self-sacrificing, generous and genuinely ethical humans on the face of this planet. It's a shame that we don't see eye to eye and that we're both incredibly stubborn and steadfast in our beliefs. She's a perfectionist like me. She wants more than anything to do the "right thing" to the point that she suffers from horrific anxiety out of fear that she's making mistakes. Now, her perfectionism stems from the example her mother set for her. My grandmother is also a perfectionist, paralyzed by fear and overly critical of herself and others. Are we seeing a pattern here?<br><br>So, the point of this post is not to bash my mom and grandmother because despite their flaws they've given me everything. I wouldn't own a house if it weren't for their generosity. I wouldn't have been able to get my first album off the ground if it weren't for the fact that my mom moved in with me and looked after my kids. Sure, she was critical as fuck about my lack of domestic skills. She was also incredibly vocal about her moral objections to the dark, macabre and sexual nature of the content I create, but she's a 64 year old conservative woman who's never even smoked a cigarette, so what do you expect?<br><br>I stopped giving a fuck about what people thought of me in my teens. At this point in my life I'd say I'm a master of giving zero fucks about people's opinions. It doesn't bother me that my mom isn't a fan of my work. It doesn't resonate with her, and that's fine. What my biggest mommy issue is, and this goes back to my childhood is that she misunderstands my intent. I can't even tell you how many times I got in trouble because she thought I was doing something 'bad' when my intent was to do something helpful. Like the time I drew some flowers on a poster she was making, or when I tried painting the backyard patio with crayons.<br><br>She had the tendency to attach a moral judgment to everything. I was a closet Madonna fan growing up because my mom naturally disapproved of her brazen sexuality, so when she caught me at 5am fashioning a cone bra out of tin foil she was really upset. She went off about how grieved she was in her heart that I would want to create something so vulgar and want to emulate someone so morally defunct as Madonna. Growing up in her domain meant that all actions were either good or evil and that was a reflection of our souls. Needless to say that I grew up with this image of myself being disapproved of at my very core because I could rarely get things "right" in her eyes.<br><br>Is it true that she disapproves of who I am on a very intrinsic level? Probably not, but it's a belief of mine that's been fostered since childhood. I don't blame her, but I wish things were different. I wish I could have been honest with her about what was going on in my life without fear of having a moral judgment attached to everything. I know that she wishes that we could have been closer too. I pulled away and I still do because I fear that she can't accept me. I feel like the truth of who I am would cause her too much stress and grief. I fear that she can reconcile the fact that despite my liberal views and unapologetic sexuality I still have morals...strong ones. I still have a strong connection to faith in something much greater than myself. I still aspire to using my talents and resources to make the world around me a better place. I wish she could just see the condition of my heart.<br><br>Lately she's really been making an effort to reach out to me. She's finally acknowledged that even though she doesn't "get" my art, she's glad that I've found an audience that appreciates it for what it is. She's been asking me for a while now to come visit her and spend some time together. Part of me really wants to, but I'm afraid to. We've never bonded, and I feel like at this point it's too late to find any common ground. I'm so used to keeping her at arms length. <br><br>Something that I've really struggled with lately is the thought that one day she'll die, and I didn't make the effort to repair my relationship with her. The potential of this happening sooner rather than later is now becoming a reality. She ended up getting a blood clot in her leg last month and now the doctor thinks that she could have cancer. I'm terrified, not because she could die. Death is inevitable. If she died now, I would be consumed with guilt that I didn't try to make things better between us.<br><br>It's mother's day and I wish I had a better relationship with my mom. I wish I had a better relationship with myself as a mom. I wish I had a more positive view of other moms. Everything about motherhood leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I have mommy issues. It's like the women who can't have a good relationship with a man because of their daddy issues. I have a tough time with mom stuff and getting close with other women.<br><br>My new EP has a song on it called 'Vampires.' It's about being a woman, being a mom and my general resentment of those roles within society. While 'Vampires' focuses more on the sociological role of women, I know that a lot of my resentment towards being a woman is rooted in my childhood and my relationship with my mom. <br><br><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7-yYk3R7ILA" width="560"></iframe><br><br>I don't like to leave my blog posts on a sour note, so I am resolving to make the best effort that I can to reciprocate my mom's effort of reaching out to me. Like I said before, I don't blame her for anything. I'm the one who is responsible for how I choose to have a relationship with her, so I'm not going to push her away anymore because I feel like she doesn't get me. She doesn't have to get me. She gave me a life and that's enough.<br><br><h3 style="text-align: center;">For more information on my art and music project and to get 4 songs of mine as a free download visit my official website <a href="http://www.borg-queen-music.com/">www.borg-queen-music.com</a>
</h3>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959092018-04-24T15:22:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00I Got To Be A 'Video Chick'I'm a 90's teen and a huge entertainment staple back then was the music video. I love music videos and as a musician and visual artist they are my favorite medium for communicating artistic content. Growing up watching music videos in the I was enamored by the visuals which often included a 'video chick.' Generally speaking these women were placed in the videos to be eye candy and it worked because who doesn't like looking at a beautiful woman? If Instagram has taught us anything, it's that people still like to stare at meticulously crafted visuals featuring hot women.<br><br>I recently had the pleasure of getting to work on the<a href="http://edgesofseven.com/" target="_blank"> Edges Of Seven</a> music video 'Cave Wall.' At first I was just going to do some behind the scenes stuff like wardrobe, props and scenic art, but then I was asked to be in it as well. I jumped at the chance because for starters I'm a HUGE fan of Edges Of Seven and it's secretly been one of my bucket list items as a performer to be in a music video that wasn't my own.<br><br>The character I play is a parody of an Instagram model. Being a long time wannabe video vixen, I found the concept to be deliciously ironic and couldn't wait to ham it up on camera. The eyes moving around in the creepy masks are mine too. So without further delay...HERE IT IS!!!<br><br><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cnEJrcQVIHQ" width="560"></iframe><br><br><br>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959102018-04-23T12:08:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00Burning Out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7L5-GkUrcq8/Wt4vI9tcGSI/AAAAAAAASk4/_gRlp-0YvIEwnhrFBXIQeytdg2Z-eCkIgCLcBGAs/s1600/Copy%2Bof%2BBQ-BlogPostMentalHealthMatters.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7L5-GkUrcq8/Wt4vI9tcGSI/AAAAAAAASk4/_gRlp-0YvIEwnhrFBXIQeytdg2Z-eCkIgCLcBGAs/s1600/Copy%2Bof%2BBQ-BlogPostMentalHealthMatters.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br>If you read this blog before, you'll have noticed that my posts have a mental health and psychology angle. As a content creator, I believe I have a responsibility to use my talents and influence for a positive purpose. Mental health is near and dear to my heart because it's something I've struggled with my entire life. I try to be as transparent as possible with my struggles and triumphs because I believe that the best art is honest, raw and unapologetic in nature. That being said, I have to confess something...I'm burning out big time.<br><br>The past 3 years has been a time of tremendous growth for me as an artist. I left behind a secure decently paid job as an interior designer to pursue a career as an independent artist. I've been burning the candle at both ends the entire time working 80 hours a week not just on my music and art, but also film projects and other creative gigs to help pay the bills(plus I'm a mom). My investment has paid off in many ways as I've been able to fund the completion of two albums and 3 high production value music videos. My fan base and visibility is constantly growing and I'm so grateful for all of the support I've received. However, my forward momentum has come at a very steep price...my health.<br><br>Because I have fibromyalgia my physical health is very fragile. Admittedly, I don't take care good enough care of myself for someone who has a chronic illness and even if I didn't have a medical condition I push myself too hard. If I'm to be perfectly honest, my obsessive need to be productive is a mental illness in an of itself. It's something I now have to address because I've reached my breaking point. I'm literally writing this post from bed because I'm completely incapacitated.<br><br>My life has become unmanageable and I need help. Thankfully I do see a therapist weekly for other issues and last week I finally admitted my desperate need to address my workaholism. I had to admit to that it has been a form of self-medication and a coping mechanism to keep me from falling apart during the breakdown of life as I know it. The thing about my drive and need to be productive is that it isn't negative if kept it check. My therapist likened my work addiction to a compulsive over-eating disorder. When some is a compulsive over eater the treatment isn't to abstain from eating entirely. We agreed that my drive to create and be productive is necessary for my mental well-being, but the trick is to strictly regulate my workload, and make sure that I engage in a proper physical self-care routine.<br><br>For the next little while I'm going to be taking a mental and physical health break to get my life back on track. I want to make it clear that I'm not quitting or giving up, but I do need to take a bit of time to just focus on getting healthy again. After I release my new EP <b><i>Blood Sweat Tears</i></b> April 30th, I won't be working on any new material until I've achieved a better work-life balance. I had planned to start working on 2 films that would feature my music plus a new album, but that will have to be put on hold...for now.<br><br>I might play the odd show here an there, so if you'd like to stay in touch be notified about when and where I'll be performing you can<a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank"> sign up for my mailing list</a> here <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank">https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup </a><br><a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank"><br></a>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959112018-04-12T11:48:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00Mental Health Matters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WImJRq5Us38/Ws-o-mtCe6I/AAAAAAAASh8/Y4tjLWVWUbgeJ5cbontq5zOlUfuRhTeOACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-BlogPostMentalHealthMatters.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WImJRq5Us38/Ws-o-mtCe6I/AAAAAAAASh8/Y4tjLWVWUbgeJ5cbontq5zOlUfuRhTeOACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-BlogPostMentalHealthMatters.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><div><br></div>My 2nd cousin died from an overdose a couple days ago. It's affected me in a very profound way even though I barely knew him. In fact, the last time I saw him was at his brother's memorial service 11 years ago. His brother incidentally died from an alcohol related accident. I'm extremely sad for their parents who have now lost two of their children, but I'm also angry. I'm angry because of the way we as a society stigmatize and treat people who abuse substances. We shame them. We blame them. We tell them things like "you're strong" and "you got this" and it's not helpful. If they were strong and could cope with their issues, they wouldn't be self-medicating.<br><div><br></div><div>Substance abuse and self-medication are a symptom of unchecked mental issues, and mental health is not just an issue for those who suffer from it's various conditions. It affects everyone. In a way, poor mental health is contagious. Being close to someone who suffers from poor mental health will eventually take it's toll on everyone around them. In my life right now the 5 people closest to me(including myself) are suffering from mental health issues. I know there's at least one person in your life that's dealing with something too. It may even be you.</div><div><br></div><div>
<h2><span style="font-size: x-large;">"Mental health is a personal, relationship, family and community issue"</span></h2>
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<h3>Personal</h3>
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<div>I have battled depression since childhood. The war against depression is not over, but I'm still here, so it means that I've won every battle so far. At least that's the way I like to look at it. So, if you're reading this and you suffer from a mental health condition it means that you're a warrior. I can tell you from personal experience that it's a lot more effective to fight a mental health battle with an army. If you or someone you know is suffering from a mental health condition I strongly suggest seeking professional help. It may be one professional like a counselor or a team that includes a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist and/or social worker too. These professionals are experts in the field of 'broken people.' If your car is broken, you take it to a mechanic, right? You probably wouldn't just let it sit there and complain about it on Facebook. Well, maybe you would, but it wouldn't fix the car. The point is, seeking professional help is the first step to getting healthy.</div>
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<div>I can also tell you from personal experience that multiple weapons for combating mental illness have more success in the long term than a singular approach. Medication may be helpful to balance brain chemistry, but so is regular exercise and proper nutrition. Relaxation techniques like yoga, deep breathing and meditation combat the physical effects of stress that aggravate mental illness. Having an emotional outlet is really important too. This could be talking to someone you trust or writing your thoughts feelings down. It's important to get them out. Personally, I see a counselor and I channel my demons into music and art. What I've learned over the years that I've had to fight my depression is the more weapons in my arsenal, the more successful I am.</div>
</div><div><br></div><h3>Relationships</h3><div><br></div><div>Relationship breakdowns usually involve mental health issues. It may be one or both parties. Any relationship I've had that's gone horribly wrong whether it be friendship, romantic or even business, poor mental health has played the biggest role. The thing about relationships is that they involve 2 parties and not just one, so even if one party is taking care of their mental health the relationship will still be toxic if the other party has unchecked mental health issues. </div><div><br></div><div>The thing to remember about any relationship is that you are only responsible for yourself. If the other person in the relationship isn't taking responsibility for their own mental health, it's probably time to re-evaluate the relationship and put some boundaries in place to preserve your own mental health. Putting up boundaries is hard. Sometimes it means limiting or cutting off contact with a person you love deeply until they decide to seek help.The old saying is true, "When you love someone, you have to be willing to let them go."</div><div><br></div><h3>Family</h3><div><br></div><div>Is there anything more complicated than family relationships? Not in my experience. There's the hereditary component. Conditions like bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia are genetic. There's also the fact that these people influenced you in your formative years. They're largely responsible for the state of your mental health. That being said, they are not responsible for your behavior. That's on you. </div><div><br></div><div>If a child grows up in an environment with caregivers who suffer from mental health issues, that child will grow into an adult with mental health issues. I love my parents and in general they were good people who had my best interests at heart, but they had their own set of mental health problems. I grew up in the 80's and 90's. Back then having "mental health issues" meant that you were institutionalized. There wasn't the level of awareness that there is now. </div><div><br></div><div>Familial roles were also more rigid back then. Men were supposed to be strong, women were supposed to be supportive and children were supposed to remain quiet. This meant that men couldn't ask for help because they would be considered weak. Women were expected to put up with all kinds of bullshit at the expense of their sanity and self preservation. Because the parents remained silent, kids grew up with the idea that their parents wouldn't understand what they were going through. Everyone suffered in silence.</div><div><br></div><div>Times have changed thankfully. Many of us kids who were afraid to talk to our parents now have a much more open line of communication with our kids. It's important for a kid to have a "safe adult" to talk to. If a child opens up to you about something they did or how they feel, the best thing you can do is listen without judgement.</div><div><br></div><h3>Community</h3><div><br></div><div>There needs to be more resources within communities to support people struggling with their mental health. Mental health education from early childhood should be mandatory in school curriculum. We need to elect governments on every level that recognize this. If you're able to do so, make charitable a donation to a reputable non-profit society that offers mental health support and services. Finally, as individuals with in a community we need to stop judging each other. Every single one of us is going to be affected by mental health issues in our life time. Self-medication isn't just drug and alcohol use. Medication, can be food, sex, entertainment, spirituality, exercise, work etc. None of these "medications" are unhealthy on their own. In moderation they contribute to mental wellness. The thing to remember is the difference between medicine and poison is in the dose.</div><div><br></div><div>I know this post wasn't directly about my art, but as an artist my subject matter is inspired by mental health issues. I believe strongly that it's important to have a conversation with my audience about these struggles that we all face, so we don't have to face them alone.</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959122018-03-05T14:46:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00The Spark. The Layers. The Release.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Gh6aH0MDZU/Wp3Vf-CMjdI/AAAAAAAASLo/j_jdYsrlW-UX7cdWDmmYDozRjVWHnh3NACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-BlogPostSparkLayerRelease.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Gh6aH0MDZU/Wp3Vf-CMjdI/AAAAAAAASLo/j_jdYsrlW-UX7cdWDmmYDozRjVWHnh3NACLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-BlogPostSparkLayerRelease.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><br>As a multidisciplinary artist who paints and writes songs, one of the most common questions I get is, "What comes first, the painting or the song?" The answer is neither. It's the concept that comes to me first. It's a spark that flashes within my mind and I feel compelled to communicate it as thoroughly as possible. Sometimes I'll write about it first, and other times I'll work on the visual aspect of it depending on my mood. There's so many layers to an idea and when I create it's through layers of paint and sound. Each layer has meaning and is an integral part to the entire piece.<br><div><br></div><div>This most recent series of paintings and songs is all about the layers. On the surface Blood Sweat Tears is woman venting about how her marriage and family life is falling to pieces and how she's coping through violent sex and workaholism. Deeper down it's about how we have a preferred self and a shadow self. When we face loss or some kind of tragedy we often revert to a shadow version of ourselves as a coping mechanism. </div><div><br></div><div>My shadow self is something that I explore through my songs and artwork. In a way it's a confession of all the horrible feelings I held inside for years because I didn't want to let go. I called this series of paintings Blood Sweat Tears because it really is a wonderful symbol of the creative process. Blood is representative of life and intimacy. It's the fuel that feeds the creative spark. Sweat is the process of crafting all the layers and organizing them into songs and paintings. Tears are the release. Once the idea has been meticulously crafted, it's time to let it go into the world. It's a literal release of material into the marketplace, but also a form of closure to a chapter of my life.</div><div><br></div><div>If you've been following my progress for the past year or so, you should be aware that I'm mixing my literal blood, sweat & tears into my artwork. I've posted a few videos here and there of my process. To extract my sweat I would engage in a sweaty activity and then use paper towel to dry myself off. I then would then puree the sweat soaked paper towel in a blender and add the pulp to my sculpting medium. I essentially used the same process for the tears. To make myself cry I would watch the Star Trek: TNG episode 'The Inner Light,' which is the one where Picard lives an entire lifetime in 20 minutes. I challenge you to watch it and not cry.</div><h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="font-size: large;">Here's a video of my sweat extraction process.</span>
</h2><div><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NS7eVN8Wfto" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br></div><div>Extracting blood, was something I agonized over a bit. I debated using menstrual blood, but decided against it mostly because I wanted "pure blood" free of all the other stuff that comes along with period blood like uterine lining, vaginal mucus and bits of tampon. I considered cutting myself, but I didn't want to promote self-harm in any way. Finally I found out that one of my friends draws his own blood when ever he has to give a sample for medical purposes, so I asked him if he'd be willing to help me out. By far this ended up being the best option because not only is it safe and sterile, but the viles are vacuum sealed and the blood stays fresh.</div><div><br></div><h2><span style="font-size: large;">Here's a video of my blood extraction and the method I used to incorporate it into the painting.</span></h2><div><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mPAvhAH-hH0" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br></div><div>It took several days to complete my first piece which is longer than it normal takes me if I'm just doing a painting. I had to wait for the plaster to dry between layers and I'm this was my first attempt at sculpting. <br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M2TKcp3Nudw/Wp3Hkj3vVpI/AAAAAAAASLU/By2rMrZ0YqwrIv_7cvm6tXzgn_yAPmcsACKgBGAs/s1600/20180220_194258.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M2TKcp3Nudw/Wp3Hkj3vVpI/AAAAAAAASLU/By2rMrZ0YqwrIv_7cvm6tXzgn_yAPmcsACKgBGAs/s320/20180220_194258.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_VEc09uVi3c/Wp3Hkkrg68I/AAAAAAAASLU/c_toX3fAiiQi_vP4DrkG0AbxRKZaCSYEwCKgBGAs/s1600/20180223_165906.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_VEc09uVi3c/Wp3Hkkrg68I/AAAAAAAASLU/c_toX3fAiiQi_vP4DrkG0AbxRKZaCSYEwCKgBGAs/s320/20180223_165906.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJpraZ1TmuA/Wp3HkiiywbI/AAAAAAAASLU/CqeI3Fezvr0LV0p-ipUSp4QzY-9B0dcwACKgBGAs/s1600/20180226_104744_006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJpraZ1TmuA/Wp3HkiiywbI/AAAAAAAASLU/CqeI3Fezvr0LV0p-ipUSp4QzY-9B0dcwACKgBGAs/s320/20180226_104744_006.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div><br></div>The end result was pretty cool. My "release" of the painting is me reciting the lyrics to the song as a dramatic monologue. Call me old school, but I believe words are very important in songwriting.</div><h2><span style="font-size: large;">Here's the finished painting with my recitation of the lyrics.</span></h2><div><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dJhXBUU-q1o" width="560"></iframe></div><div><br></div><h3>I'm still running my pre-order campaign through Pledge Music and prints of the artwork as well as the EP are still available for pre-order until March 19th.</h3><div><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-large;">PRE ORDER TODAY!!!</span></a></div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959132018-02-23T21:07:00-08:002023-12-10T09:02:06-08:00Dance! Fuck! Rock! The DFR Factor<div dir="ltr">
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<br>What is good music? It depends on who you ask and their answer will be based upon an entirely subjective opinion. Admittedly there are musicians who possess technical excellence when it comes to their instruments, but it doesn't necessarily mean that their music sounds subjectively "good." Today's blog post is about my criteria for determining whether a song is enjoyable in my opinion.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">First let's talk about the difference between good and enjoyable music. So, what's the difference between good music and enjoyable music? I'll give you an example from my life. I get a lot of flack when I have a conversation about music and admit that I am not a fan of Tool. This shocks people because there would appear to be a positive correlation between people who like Nine Inch Nails and Tool. So many people have made the incorrect assumption that since I enjoy Nine Inch Nails then I must also be a Tool fan. Now just because I don't enjoy their music doesn't mean that I think it's bad. On a technical level it's incredibly well constructed and the musicians are very accomplished at their craft. I can appreciate their music on that level. The difference for me is that Nine Inch Nails has the DFR(dance fuck rock) factor and Tool doesn't.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">For me to enjoy a song, it has to grab me and make me want to dance, fuck or rock out. If a song makes me want to do all 3 then it's a 'perfect song' subjectively speaking.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><h2>Dance</h2></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">By dance, I don't necessarily mean the type of dancing that's done on a dance floor of a night club. I've been dancing since I was 4 years old. It's a form of emotional and physical catharsis for me. For a song to make me dance I have to "feel" the movement within the rhythms and melodies. It has to evoke a feeling for me to want to express through physical movement.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><h2>Fuck</h2></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">A song doesn't have to be about sex to be sexy. Kick drums that sound like heartbeats, snares that sound like whips, whispered lyrics contrasted by melodic screams, penetrating synth and guitar lines. That's the kind of sonic debauchery that makes me eargasm. Songs that people find sexy are as diverse as our fetishes. Songs that make me want to fuck need to have a good groove and are generally between 95-115 bpm. I know it's super cliche, but Closer by Nine Inch Nails still hits all of those notes for me(pun intended).<br><br><h2>Rock</h2>
<br>Well, this one is pretty self explanatory. Does the song make me want to jump into a mosh pit, jump up and down and smash my sweaty body into other sweaty bodies? If the answer is yes, then it's a winner in my books. People might say that rock is dead, but my desire to rock out hard will never die.<br><br>That's my criteria for determining whether I like a song or not. It's not right or wrong, it just is. So, what makes you enjoy a song?<br><br><br><h3>UPDATE: On May 1st, 2018 I release a throbbing gritty EP consisting of 5 solid tracks of DFR. This is the title track from the EP which is <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/store" target="_blank">available in digital and physical format thorough my website.</a>
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</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959142018-02-15T16:19:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00If Only<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rDKvMSef3NM/WoYigEX5S4I/AAAAAAAARoY/DKch-6cTJR49Ln_-fjkYAHsGIxPRb5aVgCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-IfOnlyBlogHeader.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rDKvMSef3NM/WoYigEX5S4I/AAAAAAAARoY/DKch-6cTJR49Ln_-fjkYAHsGIxPRb5aVgCLcBGAs/s1600/BQ-IfOnlyBlogHeader.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" /></a></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Chronic pain and depression are the cruelest mistress for the body that craves movement and the soul that desires to live life to it's fullest. This is my daily struggle. I'm not looking for pity. Pity is counter productive. Pity reinforces the justification of remaining idle and not seizing the day. It may take 2-3 hours every morning of slowly stretching my body to the point that I can get my ass moving, but it eventually does happen.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I guess what I resent most about having fibromyalgia is that managing it to the point where I can function and be productive uses up a lot of time. As a self-employed artist, who makes a living off various art-related income sources, time management is crucial. Time after all is our most precious commodity and I really hate that managing my pain takes up a very significant portion of my day. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">There's a battle going on between my body and my mind. I have to resist the urge daily to lose myself in the "if only" mentality. "If only I didn't have fibromyalgia. If only I had more money. If only I was younger and had more energy. If only I had more time to dedicate to creating." Everybody has an "if only" that gets in the way of their path to happiness. It's not my health or financial situation or lack of time that are the obstacles to happiness, it's the trap of "if only." It's the lack of contentment that is the real obstacle. "If only" is a cop out. It legitimizes being miserable. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">So how do I avoid the trap? First of all, letting go of entitlement is key. No one is entitled to be happy. In fact, entitlement is the first step down the path that leads to misery. So instead of entitlement, embrace gratitude.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Secondly, I need to accept that no one is immune to hardship, pain and obstacles. Instead of viewing them as unfair, they need to be viewed as an integral part of human existence. Once you get over the "unfairness" it's a lot easier to cope with the difficulties that life throws our way.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">Finally most importantly, pay it forward. We've all been blessed with something we have in abundance. It may be talent, or time or money. What it is doesn't matter so much as what we do with it. This one is a spiritual principle for me that has never let me down. Whenever I give, I am never left wanting. Whenever I let go, I never lose. Try it for yourself. I promise it works.</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959152018-01-18T11:50:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00What Matters MostLife is not without it's challenges. As a privileged North American, I've grown accustomed to living a life of convenience. Our entire economy is driven by industries who pedal products and services aimed at making every interaction in our lives more convenient. Obviously, this has it's advantages, but there is a serious problem that has arisen from it. We have come to view challenges not as an opportunity for growth, but rather see them as grave injustices that we don't deserve to be subject to.<br><br>In the past week I've encountered some very significant challenges. Specifically, I'm being drawn back into a legal battle with my ex husband for the 4th time since I left him. The timing couldn't be worse. I'm due to release <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/" target="_blank">my new EP Blood Sweat Tears</a> in March and there are several costly steps involved in that process. Having to go to court again is going to deplete my resources, and I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to get everything done in time for the release. Going to court costs money and time. The financial cost is an annoyance, but what really pisses me off is the amount of time I'm going to have to dedicate to dealing with a person who seemingly takes a perverse pleasure in making my life more difficult.<br><br>This is where my resolve begins to falter and I am tempted to adopt a victim mentality. I ask myself over and over again, "Why can't he just leave me alone? Is it not enough that he controlled my life for 7 years? Is it not enough that he has never had to face the legal consequences of inflicting violence one me? Is it not enough that he is still able to control me to some degree through our son?" While it is a fact that <a href="http://itsanartistslife.blogspot.ca/2016/11/the-art-of-sexual-assault.html" target="_blank">I was a victim of his physical and psychological violence</a>, I cannot allow myself to become a victim of my circumstances. Is it fair that I have to keep dealing with someone who has abused me for years? No, but life isn't fair and I shouldn't expect it to be fair or easy.<br><br>I am discouraged at the moment, but I cannot allow myself to wallow. I have to remind myself of the things that really do matter and let go of my attachments. Because I let go of my attachment to money several years ago, the financial repercussions of this legal battle aren't something that I'm going to worry myself sick over. What I am really struggling with is the time I'm going to have to sacrifice. I feel like my time could be better spent working on my EP release.<br><br>Ultimately it's my attachment to my identity as an artist that I need to let go of. I'm angry because I've worked so hard up to this point and I feel like it's all falling apart at the most critical moment. What I really need to remember is that my identity as an artist is not what matters. What matters is how I use my art to affect the world around me. Being an artist doesn't matter unless it has a positive impact on people's lives. Period.<br><br>I am grateful for an upcoming opportunity that I have to exhibit my art at the Taboo Show in Vancouver from February 2nd-4th. I'm sure my ego will be stroked by the experience and I'll make some money from selling prints, but what matters most is the connection I'll make with people by sharing my story of<b><i> <a href="http://itsanartistslife.blogspot.ca/2016/06/art-therapy_28.html" target="_blank">Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles</a></i></b>. It's a story that I chose to share with the world because I wanted to give people hope. I want show them that their value is not determined by their job, social status, abilities or wealth. Value is intrinsic and no person or life circumstance can take that away.<br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/375577016237006/" target="_blank"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LlzsyrSIS3k/WmD2FH_B4uI/AAAAAAAARcI/WMUjBry3yukEqQXhCCO7CjtZ_0B081hmACLcBGAs/s640/BorgQueenAtTaboo%2B%25281%2529.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="332" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/375577016237006/" target="_blank">Follow this link for more information about the event</a></span></h2><br><br><br>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959162017-12-11T09:39:00-08:002022-03-11T00:40:31-08:00Letting Go Of Bullshit AttachmentsAhhhh Monday morning! Unlike a good portion of the working population, I quite like Mondays. Mind you, I am fortunate enough to do something I really enjoy, and I generally work from the comfort of my own home. Working in my pajamas is something I try really hard not to take for granted because there was a time, roughly about 2 and a half years ago when I used to drag myself to my interior design job and ask myself over and over again "Why am I still here?"<br><br>The reason was fear of losing my so-called life because I had formed attachments to a bunch of stuff within it. After all, working a 9-5 for an established company afforded me financial stability to do all that adult shit we're "supposed" to be doing like getting a mortgage, having a family, owning a car etc. It's an ideal so ingrained into North American culture, that if we don't acquire these things by the time we're 30, we've been programmed to feel like we've failed in some spectacular way. The reality of it is, it's all fucking bullshit! The house, the car, the picture perfect family is all an illusion of happiness. I can say that as someone who briefly succumbed to following the status quo rather than her dreams.<br><br>You may be thinking to yourself, "Even the family?" Hell yeah, even the family! When you have a family, it's not something you possess, it's 2 or more relationships in very close quarters that require a significant emotional investment for decades of your life. In the case of children, it's a very one-sided relationship with a rapidly changing human that you may or may not be compatible with. Not to mention you're morally and legally responsible for this ungrateful developing person for at least 18 years. The bottom line is that family relationships are hard work and not the picture perfect Hallmark card-Anne Geddes baby-HGTV bullshit we've all been fed our entire lives. Anyway, I digress...The point is, that none of that stuff will bring happiness or satisfaction unless you have already learned to be content on your own and without any assets to your name.<br><br>I know it to be true because the happiest moment of my life was 12 years ago shortly after I left my first husband. I had nothing. I let him keep all the stuff. I was living well below the poverty line in a modest rental house with my mom and 3-year-old son. By all North American societal standards I was a failure. Except I wasn't, because I was still me. In fact, after letting go of all my attachments, I was more me than I had ever been before. It was in that moment that I began to paint again. This painting you see below is what I painted. 9 more followed and became the series known as <i><a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings" target="_blank">Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.</a></i><br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--L60JfKb0iA/S_QZs6N1olI/AAAAAAAAAAw/1DZYW5mIoxAfyNj9B5qt5nV-Z0plry5UQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/SexDrugs%2526ShinyBrassPoles01%2B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--L60JfKb0iA/S_QZs6N1olI/AAAAAAAAAAw/1DZYW5mIoxAfyNj9B5qt5nV-Z0plry5UQCPcBGAYYCw/s640/SexDrugs%2526ShinyBrassPoles01%2B.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="475" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div>Then I dusted off my guitar that I hadn't touched in years and began to write music and lyrics again. That place of zero attachment was where I gave birth to <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/music" target="_blank">Borg Queen</a>. Letting go of all that other bullshit left me with just myself. I had to learn to be ok with just myself, flaws and all. I had to accept my situation and not allow myself to feel entitled to a so-called "better situation." I had to learn to live in the present and work with the resources within myself.<br><br>I'm not saying that all that adult stuff like a house, a car and family is a bad thing or makes a person less enlightened in any way. I'm older now, and I have accumulated some adult stuff along the way like a house, car and family. I'm grateful for what I do have, but those things do not make me a success. In fact, I have to be very wary not to form attachments to them. If I use them as a measuring stick to determine my worth, I lose sight of the place within myself which is where my true value and happiness lies.<br><br>I learned to be content in my current situation, whatever it may be. I have to carry that lesson around with me and remember to be grateful for what I do have, whether it be a little or a lot. Currently the fact that I'm sitting here writing this in my pajamas and afterwards I get to work on some new music for my <a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">upcoming EP</a> after I go swimming, is a helluva a lot to be grateful for. Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959172017-12-09T16:41:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00Art Is My Bitch<h2 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"I am the artist equivalent of a controlling spouse"</span></h2><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o7KbLTdhui8/V2svFBI9-2I/AAAAAAAAJs0/C6VJ8xI0fXIZvwPDRauoFh2YAcxa2fWjQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/BorgQueen_HedonistBehindTheScenes-TheRedPaddedCellOfHedonism-1645_1466641069102.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o7KbLTdhui8/V2svFBI9-2I/AAAAAAAAJs0/C6VJ8xI0fXIZvwPDRauoFh2YAcxa2fWjQCPcBGAYYCw/s640/BorgQueen_HedonistBehindTheScenes-TheRedPaddedCellOfHedonism-1645_1466641069102.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="425" width="640" /></a></div><br><br>It's been a whirlwind of activity for me as of late. I've had 3 projects on the go, a short film called <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt7033732/?ref_=nm_knf_i3" target="_blank">'Triggered'</a>, building props for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2193021/?ref_=nm_knf_i1" target="_blank">'Arrow'</a> and working on my<a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank"> upcoming EP</a> of course. On top of it all I've been trying to take better care of myself by engaging in a daily physical self-care routine of yoga, weight lifting and swimming. Taking care of myself has been harder for me than I care to admit. This is due to the fact that I don't like to admit that there's anything wrong with me that would require me to take time away from my creative pursuits. I am after all, addicted to being busy.<br><br>Unfortunately this constant productivity isn't sustainable because as much as I hate to admit it, I am not a machine, I am a human being, and a somewhat physically frail one at that. I have fibromyalgia, and if I don't take the time to manage it's symptoms through proper diet, adequate sleep, exercise and relaxation techniques, it will flare up to the point where I will be literally bed ridden for days at a time. Coming to terms with this over the past few years has been difficult lesson in humility. However, it's also helped me grow as person and realize that there's no shame in acknowledging my limitations and asking for help.<br><br>I am by nature independent and work best alone. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of other people, I just enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that I get from working on something that's 'just mine.' I'm the artist's equivalent of a controlling spouse who needs to know that I'm "the one" when it comes to my relationship with my art.<br><br>A relationship is what really boils down to when I look at the role creating art plays in my life. It's my companion, a source of entertainment, it gives me a sense of purpose and pride. It provides a psychological, emotional and physical release that is sometimes extremely sexually driven. It's a relationship that is constantly evolving and eventually will serve as my legacy. You could say that creating art is in many ways like having a spouse and children.<br><br>The problem is that for me I have sacrificed other critical areas of my life for this relationship. It's the same principle as when someone neglects themselves to care for a spouse or their children and doesn't take any "me" time for themselves. It's an unhealthy relationship situation and I'm starting to realize it.<br><br>After going on a solo vacation this past November and letting go of a lot of attachments I've resolved to take better care of myself and lead a more balanced lifestyle when it comes to my relationship with my art. I'm still going to work hard and continue to nurture my craft, but you could say that me and my art have decided to have an open relationship. I'll be allowing more people into my creative process and hopefully collaborating more with other artists on other projects. Most importantly though, I'm going to continue to put my physical and mental well being first.Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959182017-11-20T10:29:00-08:002020-01-29T13:17:43-08:00New Killer Remix!!!! HEDONISTA while ago I put out my feelers to see if anyone wanted to remix my song Hedonist. I got a couple nibbles and I wanted to share with you this amazing version of it done by metal producer and guitarist Blaize Caverly of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/AxonRiseMusic/videos" target="_blank">Axon Rise</a>. I'm really diggin' their stuff and I highly recommend taking a moment to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/AxonRiseMusic/videos" target="_blank">discover more of their catalogue on You Tube.</a><br><br>I really love this arrangement of the song and the dynamics are fantastic. Listen for yourself.<br><div><br></div><div>If you dig it, it is available as a free download if you're on my email list. If you haven't already signed up you can do so <a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup" target="_blank">here </a><br><br><iframe frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/350762224&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe>
</div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959192017-10-24T14:01:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:44-08:00Fuck You!This "fuck you" goes out to the three people who 1 year ago through their actions and inaction destroyed a rather large piece of me. I just got back from my therapy session and while my plan was to work on some vocal editing for my <a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">new EP</a>, I've decided to confront the 3 people who were instrumental in facilitating the loss of my sexual autonomy.<br><br>First of all, I just want to say "Fuck you Chris!" How dare you use your position as a massage therapy student to get me naked and touch me in a context that under ordinary circumstances I would never consent to. You knew that I would never go for a guy like you, so you saw your chance to get a piece of me and took it. Not only that, but you tried to hide behind a veil of ignorance despite the fact that I uncovered your sexual motivations and you admitted them to me during and after the fact. Did you think you could trick me? Did you think that I was that stupid or naive to believe that you were simply touching me in a medically therapeutic way? Fuck you! You're the worst kind of perpetrator. You're the kind that says they're an ally of feminist causes. Someone who claims to stand up against misogyny, but when you violate a woman's sexual autonomy, instead of taking responsibility, you deflect it and try to justify your actions.<br><br>Fuck you for contacting my mother and trying to garner her sympathy. How dare you try to manipulate her into thinking that it was a simple misunderstanding. Just because you got suspended from school for a week while they were deciding your professional fate DOES NOT MAKE YOU THE VICTIM. How dare you try to make people feel sorry for you! You're just as bad as every other rapist and sex offender who denies what they did and blames the victim.<br>Fuck you, you fucking coward!!!<br><br>Fuck you Shauna! You're just as culpable as Chris. You were his instructor and you even walked in on what was happening. You were fully aware that Chris had violated professional boundaries. You were apologetic enough to make me feel like you were on my side, but I now realize that you were just doing your due diligence to protect the school from any legal repercussions. You lied when you told me that the school was taking this seriously. Had they taken it seriously Chris would have been expelled. He wasn't, and removing him from the student clinic for a week and providing him with "additional education" is hardly a "serious repercussion." You know what was a serious repercussion though? Slipping into such a horrible depression that I was seriously contemplating suicide this time last year. I fought to live, though and now I'm here to tell you...FUCK YOU!<br><br>Fuck you Constable Weise! I'm not entirely confident that you deserve the "fuck you," but since I as a victim have to take one for a justice system that's set up so that we don't condemn the innocent, you're gonna have to take this "fuck you" on behalf of the same justice system that allows victims to be re-victimized. Maybe you did your job to the best of your ability? After all it's the Crown that approves charges, right? Well, you represent the Crown in this case, so you know what? FUCK YOU!!! How much fucking evidence do you need? There was a witness and I even provided you with text messages from Chris where he clearly indicated his sexual intentions! Did you not take this seriously because his penis never penetrated my body? Was it just not worth prosecuting using public funds because it wasn't a violent rape? I can tell you as someone who has been raped that I feel just as violated by this. My sexual autonomy was violated. Period. Maybe you're one of the few lucky women who can't say <b>#MeToo</b> but as far as I'm concerned you are an instrumental cog in the machine that protects sex offenders and allows them to go free while their victims have to live with the aftermath.<br><br>To all three of you. My life has been in shambles the past year. My ability to earn an income has been greatly affected due to the impact this has had on my mental and physical health. I've missed a lot of work and work opportunities as a result. This has affected my ability to pay bills and put a significant financial strain on my family. The anxiety and depression I've experienced as a result of this debacle has aggravated my fibromyalgia and caused me to have flare ups that are excruciatingly painful. Every day I'm in agony, and I'm too freaked out now to go see a massage therapist to help me with my physical discomfort.<br><br>The loss of sexual confidence I've experienced has made navigating intimate relationships a nightmare. Sex, which was literally the ultimate high for me on a physical, psychological and emotional level, has all but been destroyed. I get no thrill out of it anymore. I've tried doing things to "spice it up" but since you stripped my sexual confidence away, I no longer feel sexually empowered. I feel like an insecure girl in puberty, unsure of herself, sexually frustrated and timid. The worst part is that I'm fully aware of what I've lost and I don't know how I can get it back.<br><br>I know this wasn't really post about my music or my art, but what happened to me has impacted me on such a profound level that it does spill into my creative life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. It depends on the day and if I'm able to overcome the pain and fatigue I feel every morning. So, you know what? I'm going to say "fuck you" on more time. Fuck you pain. Fuck you depression. Fuck you anxiety. Fuck you fibromyalgia. Fuck you lack of sexual confidence. Fuck you criminal justice system. Fuck you sexual perpetrators and your enablers. Fuck you everyone and everything that get in the way of living my life to it's fullest potential!<br><br>I feel slightly better now, so I'm gonna go finish up editing a song I wrote when my sexual confidence was still intact. You can preview it <a href="http://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears/updates/90305" target="_blank">here</a> if you want. Peace out.Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959202017-09-23T18:37:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:44-08:00If YOU Had A Billion Dollars?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h0Q0qxyMAL8/WccI2iUFCJI/AAAAAAAAQoc/lG1q8Rjv-x4HgadcWTleMfIvO1EPSnZcwCLcBGAs/s1600/BQmoney1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h0Q0qxyMAL8/WccI2iUFCJI/AAAAAAAAQoc/lG1q8Rjv-x4HgadcWTleMfIvO1EPSnZcwCLcBGAs/s640/BQmoney1.png" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="304" width="640" /></a></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">A wise man once said, "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." I wanted to learn more about the audience who supports me as an artist. I wanted to delve deep inside their hearts and discover their core values, so I asked them a question through Facebook and email:</div><h3 style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"If someone gave you a billion dollars, how would you allocate the funds?"</span></i></h3><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">I figured the way they allocated their treasure would indicate what they valued the most in life and reveal the contents of their hearts.</div><div dir="ltr">After reading all of the responses I noticed that what people valued most fell into 5 basic categories. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><h3>1. Self<br>2. Family and Loved Ones(close relationships)<br>3. Community<br>4. Purpose and Passion<br>5. The Greater Good</h3><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"></div><h2><span style="font-size: x-large;">Self</span></h2>These people aren't necessarily selfish just because they would take care of themselves first. The people who put themselves first, are realistic and practical. They understand the importance of taking care of themselves so that they can help those around them. Most of the respondents said that after taking care of themselves they'd help others.<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KQWd9QLWH3A/WcWrHHXyLwI/AAAAAAAAQlc/xX2mldbn7JIvhxqiuW5hvCNnyOWkEwusQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B11.43.01_1506125822346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KQWd9QLWH3A/WcWrHHXyLwI/AAAAAAAAQlc/xX2mldbn7JIvhxqiuW5hvCNnyOWkEwusQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B11.43.01_1506125822346.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="232" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5lvuymuELrU/WcWrHEXSiuI/AAAAAAAAQlU/FTXCd3nF2Asxb8ZxjTNwIy-nWVikLwdrQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B11.44.27_1506125822490.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5lvuymuELrU/WcWrHEXSiuI/AAAAAAAAQlU/FTXCd3nF2Asxb8ZxjTNwIy-nWVikLwdrQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B11.44.27_1506125822490.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="61" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dYWTGjRVz9o/WccDdJWNFWI/AAAAAAAAQoI/nqjcS51KyUoErBvuE9X38V_6eRNr6ARsQCEwYBhgL/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.12.53_1506125825808.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dYWTGjRVz9o/WccDdJWNFWI/AAAAAAAAQoI/nqjcS51KyUoErBvuE9X38V_6eRNr6ARsQCEwYBhgL/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.12.53_1506125825808.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="230" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vCMC65kdSH4/WcWrHBlDcFI/AAAAAAAAQlY/B1PlKM0IcsASVG6zjLi_xPV4zEoHZip1QCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B11.46.00_1506125822568.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vCMC65kdSH4/WcWrHBlDcFI/AAAAAAAAQlY/B1PlKM0IcsASVG6zjLi_xPV4zEoHZip1QCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B11.46.00_1506125822568.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="265" width="320" /></a></div><h2><span style="font-size: x-large;">Relationships</span></h2><div dir="ltr">The people who gave their money to help loved ones are relationship oriented and value their family above everything else. By family, I don't necessarily mean relatives, but those closest to them. Relationship oriented people are incredibly loyal. They possess tremendous amount of gratitude for the people in their lives and as a result want to give back. These people are the best friends you could ever have.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bZMMItJarSo/WcWt6bzfgcI/AAAAAAAAQlw/aTRqI685MkoyqREAfW9HW2Fz0RXxygavgCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.01.21_1506125822645.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bZMMItJarSo/WcWt6bzfgcI/AAAAAAAAQlw/aTRqI685MkoyqREAfW9HW2Fz0RXxygavgCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.01.21_1506125822645.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="190" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yf5BZTduDCI/WcWt6PBXc1I/AAAAAAAAQls/L86MroZ9nhwKEuI2mykAxtVHgh7acKBcwCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.02.28_1506125822736.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yf5BZTduDCI/WcWt6PBXc1I/AAAAAAAAQls/L86MroZ9nhwKEuI2mykAxtVHgh7acKBcwCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.02.28_1506125822736.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="105" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JLk7BxG_lMY/WcWt6ByWuWI/AAAAAAAAQlo/mVLQE6jwTRMAOWn48Dpn4vlmiZzLjexBgCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.03.09_1506125822815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JLk7BxG_lMY/WcWt6ByWuWI/AAAAAAAAQlo/mVLQE6jwTRMAOWn48Dpn4vlmiZzLjexBgCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.03.09_1506125822815.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="53" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYKs0GljnG8/WcWt68dM0vI/AAAAAAAAQl0/KQ9mSZl5tcg0OXIyxMwFDxcb6WKmP1wvQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.07.11_1506125823228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYKs0GljnG8/WcWt68dM0vI/AAAAAAAAQl0/KQ9mSZl5tcg0OXIyxMwFDxcb6WKmP1wvQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.07.11_1506125823228.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="112" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-18yJo1Rfm_0/WccERc26w7I/AAAAAAAAQoQ/mJ5ZApPaXzUsC4XcLIQFweCTfzzqr802gCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.56.04_1506125825200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-18yJo1Rfm_0/WccERc26w7I/AAAAAAAAQoQ/mJ5ZApPaXzUsC4XcLIQFweCTfzzqr802gCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.56.04_1506125825200.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="284" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Community</span></h2><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This one was interesting to me and I asked some of the people to elaborate. The need to belong and the sense of identity and pride that people gain from being part of a community is the core value here. These people are relationship oriented but on a broader scale. They love supporting those within their community even though they may not have a super close relationship with the individual. These people are generally take charge types and are great leaders and organizers.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dWEmEg2J5zo/WcWxK15etpI/AAAAAAAAQmA/WNpiLNXEBx0M0DeBb4z0pxKuFQ76wMPAgCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.14.15_1506125823094.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dWEmEg2J5zo/WcWxK15etpI/AAAAAAAAQmA/WNpiLNXEBx0M0DeBb4z0pxKuFQ76wMPAgCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.14.15_1506125823094.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="171" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div> Debra's answer intrigued me and I wanted to know more about her "tribe."<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zIY0VkEUBE8/WcWxKyjFx_I/AAAAAAAAQmE/oEb9RJvNGx0HMoX-t0wWgVfdvX1nc5Q7QCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.15.36_1506125823016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zIY0VkEUBE8/WcWxKyjFx_I/AAAAAAAAQmE/oEb9RJvNGx0HMoX-t0wWgVfdvX1nc5Q7QCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.15.36_1506125823016.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="135" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XdP94-SMgV4/WcWxKyGPC_I/AAAAAAAAQmI/5rthNLCMy6oRaxwDqWebfNLeJdbIom1WQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.19.28_1506125822915.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XdP94-SMgV4/WcWxKyGPC_I/AAAAAAAAQmI/5rthNLCMy6oRaxwDqWebfNLeJdbIom1WQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.19.28_1506125822915.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="133" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div> Douglas' answer warmed my heart and when you read that he's a white guy born in Mexico it goes to show that culture is way more about community than ethnicity.<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hfS7ELjvbeo/WcWxLcpd5tI/AAAAAAAAQmM/BZl9UrYy41Y8njqxckz19WhSp5RYICbAQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.25.51_1506125823396.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hfS7ELjvbeo/WcWxLcpd5tI/AAAAAAAAQmM/BZl9UrYy41Y8njqxckz19WhSp5RYICbAQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.25.51_1506125823396.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="92" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bY_Hm0wGy_8/WcWxMDfnfjI/AAAAAAAAQmQ/t523ZKvvgEYk1FO_Sac5Zxi4JGZ4L9IngCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.35.01_1506125823541.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bY_Hm0wGy_8/WcWxMDfnfjI/AAAAAAAAQmQ/t523ZKvvgEYk1FO_Sac5Zxi4JGZ4L9IngCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.35.01_1506125823541.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="311" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div> Just a bit of context on the next one...Raven is a huge supporter of independent artists like myself, Ray Grieco of <a href="http://www.geniusofnefarious.com/" target="_blank">Genius of Nefarious</a> and Tommy T of <a href="http://www.dsbp.cx/diverje/" target="_blank">Diverje</a>. He also runs my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/257736221393668/" target="_blank">Borg Queen Facebook Group</a> and several other groups within the industrial music community.<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BRSpDslYY_8/WcWxMb2lAbI/AAAAAAAAQmU/CYvFdBwGl6kTErk8oU_l4HHmLWDtlyYJQCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.42.50_1506125823719.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BRSpDslYY_8/WcWxMb2lAbI/AAAAAAAAQmU/CYvFdBwGl6kTErk8oU_l4HHmLWDtlyYJQCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.42.50_1506125823719.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="81" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PwDQA2g_Cfk/WcWxNLXfdII/AAAAAAAAQmY/pSNCQNyODLcZSDFuiV6TarGXTsC938_2ACLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.44.00_1506125823876.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PwDQA2g_Cfk/WcWxNLXfdII/AAAAAAAAQmY/pSNCQNyODLcZSDFuiV6TarGXTsC938_2ACLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.44.00_1506125823876.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="224" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Purpose and Passion</span></h2><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As an artist this is one I can identify with very strongly. It's probably easier for a creative person to find purpose within their artistic craft than most occupations. People generally don't get into an art career for the money, they do it because they are passionate and feel like they can serve a higher purpose with their art. A couple people who are great examples of this are actor-screenwriter <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3886686/?ref_=nv_sr_1" target="_blank">Kristof Le Jeune</a> and screenwriter-propmaster <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0370392/" target="_blank">Ken Hawryliw</a>. I've had the great pleasure of working with and getting to know both these guys.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tMCtCoUG7iM/WcbzM19CAlI/AAAAAAAAQm0/bZ1OcgcWeEwFrxyVJzn5gaXqAMSp4JNmwCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.52.42_1506125824064.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tMCtCoUG7iM/WcbzM19CAlI/AAAAAAAAQm0/bZ1OcgcWeEwFrxyVJzn5gaXqAMSp4JNmwCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.52.42_1506125824064.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="86" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NVko9Sxvf0s/WcbzM8pSpBI/AAAAAAAAQm4/7GddZ5gVtHcq31ZQzYQhgsxZItwOWRSEACLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.49.46_1506125824450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NVko9Sxvf0s/WcbzM8pSpBI/AAAAAAAAQm4/7GddZ5gVtHcq31ZQzYQhgsxZItwOWRSEACLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.49.46_1506125824450.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="228" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Ken Hawryliw someone who has an established career in the arts and has worked as a writer and in the props department for film and notable TV shows like Arrow, Battlestar Galactica and The X-Files.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wNSJxIxnGRg/Wcb1A_2v2sI/AAAAAAAAQnE/dyORKczo1ocGm1_BylMo8RZDFH0y3AypACLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B12.51.49_1506125824195.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wNSJxIxnGRg/Wcb1A_2v2sI/AAAAAAAAQnE/dyORKczo1ocGm1_BylMo8RZDFH0y3AypACLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B12.51.49_1506125824195.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="192" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Greater Good</span></h2><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The people in this category are idealists. They look at big picture issues and tend to have a great sense of social responsibility. They also for better or worse subscribe themselves to a more rigid moral code. These are the people who spread ideas and push for social change. They are philosophers by nature and seek to change the world. I fall into this category for sure.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dQWZtfPS0V4/Wcb7zoCEcdI/AAAAAAAAQn8/1BcsO9XAEfQGqhRqOL3aMwI08kfRZHzVgCEwYBhgL/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.13.54_1506125826719.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dQWZtfPS0V4/Wcb7zoCEcdI/AAAAAAAAQn8/1BcsO9XAEfQGqhRqOL3aMwI08kfRZHzVgCEwYBhgL/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.13.54_1506125826719.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="283" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duEJOI2eOhU/Wcb63SrcKOI/AAAAAAAAQnw/kPRayftB410jEfdaYgAikHkvGzXw2gQwgCEwYBhgL/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.01.25_1506125825482.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duEJOI2eOhU/Wcb63SrcKOI/AAAAAAAAQnw/kPRayftB410jEfdaYgAikHkvGzXw2gQwgCEwYBhgL/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.01.25_1506125825482.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="58" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jdHY7f8Dwj0/Wcb7zbynppI/AAAAAAAAQn8/o5g93udNOB4bntllLf6esyzCkqsY5gagQCEwYBhgL/s1600/2017-09-22%2B15.40.54_1506125827157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jdHY7f8Dwj0/Wcb7zbynppI/AAAAAAAAQn8/o5g93udNOB4bntllLf6esyzCkqsY5gagQCEwYBhgL/s320/2017-09-22%2B15.40.54_1506125827157.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="172" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kRVSzMFofVA/Wcb63Sd88lI/AAAAAAAAQnw/KqLfQeRdaFYoheb_RCbdmAkTgN8djMkvACEwYBhgL/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.02.38_1506125825611.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kRVSzMFofVA/Wcb63Sd88lI/AAAAAAAAQnw/KqLfQeRdaFYoheb_RCbdmAkTgN8djMkvACEwYBhgL/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.02.38_1506125825611.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="214" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VpC8UaiFWn8/Wcb63KYvJRI/AAAAAAAAQng/OxSAMRhh6nghCV6ESDQw-ZDnSvER5o0cwCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.03.32_1506125826595.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VpC8UaiFWn8/Wcb63KYvJRI/AAAAAAAAQng/OxSAMRhh6nghCV6ESDQw-ZDnSvER5o0cwCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.03.32_1506125826595.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="74" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OJghyXMgwiw/Wcb64EXr5fI/AAAAAAAAQnk/XKP18Jqu3vU5HfGoOhygPcSlxyrly10-wCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.09.47_1506125826040.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OJghyXMgwiw/Wcb64EXr5fI/AAAAAAAAQnk/XKP18Jqu3vU5HfGoOhygPcSlxyrly10-wCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.09.47_1506125826040.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="211" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I3SZFynJZjM/Wcb7Aq8oSJI/AAAAAAAAQns/RoJn00LvPt8j5p1J_A400W16mwNNGIBagCLcBGAs/s1600/2017-09-22%2B13.06.25_1506125826318.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I3SZFynJZjM/Wcb7Aq8oSJI/AAAAAAAAQns/RoJn00LvPt8j5p1J_A400W16mwNNGIBagCLcBGAs/s320/2017-09-22%2B13.06.25_1506125826318.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="222" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So what would you do with your billion dollars?</span></h2><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The reality is that nobody who responded has anywhere near a billion dollars, or do they? The truth is that each and everyone of us has something worth way more than a billion dollars. We have the capacity to love ourselves, our family and friends,our community, our passion and humanity in general. Not one of these categories is more important than the other. We as a society need people who place value in all of these categories. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>SELF: </b>We need practical people who see the importance in taking care of themselves so they can help others. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS:</b> Everyone can benefit from having a generous, compassionate, appreciative person as their most loyal friend. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>COMMUNITY:</b> We need the community oriented individuals who take action and make things happen. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>PASSION AND PURPOSE:</b> We need people who are passionate and have discovered their purpose to inspire us to become a better version of ourselves. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>THE GREATER GOOD:</b> We need the idealists to remind us that we are part of a bigger picture, and give us hope that we can build a better tomorrow.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What about actual currency?</span></h2><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you did have a few spare dollars and wanted to get involved in my passion and purpose, I'd love to have you join me on <a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">Pledge Music</a>. A $5 pledge gets you a pre-order of my upcoming EP plus exclusive EP updates and previews only available to pledgers.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">JOIN ME ON PLEDGE MUSIC!</a></span></h2><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div>Borg Queentag:borg-queen-music.com,2005:Post/61959212017-09-14T16:01:00-07:002020-01-29T13:17:44-08:00The Audio-visual Process For 'Blood Sweat Tears'<div dir="ltr">People ask me what I do all the time, and never really have a succinct answer that doesn't make me sound a. Horribly pretentious or b. Completely unfocused. I always end up explaining to them the entirety of what I do within the project '<a href="https://www.borg-queen-music.com/" target="_blank">Borg Queen</a>' which usually goes something like this...</div><div dir="ltr"><i><br></i></div><div dir="ltr"><i><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">"I have a multidisciplinary art project where I write and record songs, but for each song that I write I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song. I also make music videos and I use the painting as the visual inspiration for the imagery in the video. I'm also a dancer with a background in theatre so for my live performances I like to do a theatrically driven show that incorporates other performers, choreography, props and FX." </span></i></div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">It's usually followed by me showing them pictures on my phone of my paintings, music videos and the behind the scenes shots of the process.</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr">So why work in so many mediums to simply express an idea? The short answer is because I can. The long answer is because some people are more inclined to process audio information effectively and others are more visually inclined. Also, there are layers and complexities within a concept that lend themselves better to audio and some that can only be expressed visually. One of the more common questions that I get asked is:</div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"></div><h3><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">Do I work on the audio or visual aspect of idea first?</span></h3>For my previous album it was sometimes the image came first. Sometimes the lyrics were the first thing to pop into me head, but for a couple of the songs I definitely wrote the music before anything else based on the overall idea I wanted to express.<br><div dir="ltr">For my <a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">upcoming EP 'Blood Sweat Tears'</a> my process has been more formulated, not on purpose, but there's definitely been an order to the way I've been working. </div><div dir="ltr"><br></div><div dir="ltr"></div><h3><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">First I wrote the lyrics.</span></h3>This EP is me venting emotionally, mentally, socially, physically and sexually. There was a lot of sadness, rage, regret and anxiety I was bottling up inside much to my psychological detriment, and finally last August I had a nervous breakdown. I fell apart on every level of existence. I was having a recurring nightmare about being a serial killer who was on the run. I finally figured out that the dream was symbolic of me killing my emotions and burying them. So I decided to do something for my mental health, and I started writing down all of the dark thoughts that I had been concealing deep within my psyche.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wy82AZedhOo/V-B6XV_wYjI/AAAAAAAAK8U/3Rfiv49z96oP9qhyXtSaqrem7DYWiHkjACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/IMG_20160829_091426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wy82AZedhOo/V-B6XV_wYjI/AAAAAAAAK8U/3Rfiv49z96oP9qhyXtSaqrem7DYWiHkjACPcBGAYYCw/s320/IMG_20160829_091426.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="320" /></a></div><div>
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<h3><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">Next I wrote the music.</span></h3>I didn't want to over think it, so I kept it pretty simple as far as the song structures went and I avoided second guessing myself. I figured if I don't like it, I can always delete the file and start over again. I wrote, produced and recorded the songs within the span of about 2 weeks. In those two weeks that I was belting out my vocals, I felt a release and the recurring serial killer nightmare ended.<br><div dir="ltr"><br></div>
<h3><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">Currently I'm working on the artwork.</span></h3>
<div dir="ltr">Right now I'm working on the visual development for the EP. I'm currently sketching full color thumbnails for the paintings each song will have. Eventually the paintings will serve as the visual framework on which I base the music videos.</div>
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<div dir="ltr">My process so far in the visual development will be for me to sit down and start writing the lyrics. As I write the lyrics down, visuals will pop into my head. It almost like having several frames from a video in random order flip through my minds eye. I take a mental screenshot of the images I feel are the most powerful and then recall them as I start sketching. Next I add color and this is a really important step as the palette I use in the painting will determine the palette used in the videos. For all of the visuals in this EP the palette is representative of blood, sweat and tears. I'm using red for blood, flesh tone for sweat and blue for tears.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jyYXQ5NjBAE/WbsGmzQKs4I/AAAAAAAAQX8/qRjBVLitMygVaGGQjU7iBqF6yKC2Yb8ewCKgBGAs/s1600/20170911_190330.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jyYXQ5NjBAE/WbsGmzQKs4I/AAAAAAAAQX8/qRjBVLitMygVaGGQjU7iBqF6yKC2Yb8ewCKgBGAs/s640/20170911_190330.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="640" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">This is the thumbnail and lyrics for 'Sexorcism'</span></td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr">I'm taking a more literal approach with the actual paintings and adding my own blood, sweat and tears into the medium. I'm currently posting videos of my process on my Pledge Music campaign for the EP. Anyone who wants to join me in my artistic journey creating the EP gets an access pass to the exclusive videos and regular updates that I'll be posting along the way.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank"><img src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ChBfNKmLIak/WbsH1Y6nA4I/AAAAAAAAQYQ/-Td31AOEOwYZSdE8H5xMG1lgJXsR5_3WgCKgBGAs/s640/20170912_165818.jpg" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="360" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank"><b>I made my first Pledge Music video update from the bath showing pledgers my process for extracting the sweat that I am using in the paintings. If you join me on Pledge Music, you get access to my often very bizarre creative process. </b></a></span></td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr"> So far it's been a really fun collaborative effort and I've loved communicating with my pledgers throughout the process so far. The feedback has been overwhelmingly encouraging and I'm so grateful that platforms like <a href="https://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/blood-sweat-tears" target="_blank">Pledge Music</a> exist for me to connect on a very intimate artistic level with my fans.</div>
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<h3><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">The next step.</span></h3>
<div dir="ltr">After the EP is completed and released, I will be turning my attention to making a music video for each and every one of the songs on the EP. The videos will all transition seamlessly from one to another telling the story behind the demise of my psyche in 2016 and how I got it back by confessing to being a "Serial Killer."</div>
</div>Borg Queen