If you follow me and my artistic adventures, you may have noticed that my online activity substantially decreased. I'll be honest, I really hate social media and I only use it to connect with fans. I've had to put Borg Queen on the back burner since November 2018 because I was burnt out and in a really unhealthy place. My primary focus for the past several months has been recovery and establishing healthier habits and a self care routine, but I've also been working as a concept artist on the CW series Arrow.
Though life is far from perfect and my circumstances haven't changed I've learned healthier ways of coping. Rather than bury myself with work and binge on my various vices I take time every day to swim and meditate. I've learned to ask for help rather than just try to do everything myself. I've stopped trying to fix other people's problems and focus only on improving and regulating myself. It hasn't been easy, and old habits are hard to break, but I've definitely noticed that I'm enjoying more serenity and obsessing less over situations that I have no control over. I'm slowly starting to come back.
A month ago my Mummo(Finnish grandma) died, and instead of stuffing my feelings I've allowed myself to greive and acknowledge the plethora of emotions that goes along with losing a loved one as uncomfortable as it may be at times. I decided that my return to Borg Queen should be gradual and organic and working through my Mummo's death has allowed me to return in exactly that way.
I recorded a song in Finnish which is my first language. My Mummo despite living in Canada for 50 years never learned to speak English so if I wanted to talk to her it had to be in Finnish. My last moments with her were spent at her bed side singing a song to her in Finnish that I had sung at a Finnish Christmas concert when I was 4. The song was called Suojelusenkeli which means guardian angel. It was written by Finnish poet Immi Hellen in 1884 in a time when it was common for people to die in infancy and childhood. The song is about a child traveling in the dark abyss of the afterlife who is guided home by a guardian angel.